feeling better?

ok dah tak sedih sangat. time is the perfect medicine for broken hearts.. ;-) ish, camne aa nak ade emoticon2 dlm blog? sian asyik pakai yg manual je. nak gak nampak cam hi-tech! haha


well, the great news is, i got called to go for an interview and test appointment this coming monday at? Media Prima baybeh! Yesh Yesh Yesh Alhamdulillah.. Finally the door is opened for me. *senyum lebar puas-puas* i guess, if i have no boyfriend right now, i should focus on building up my career and be a successful one. i still remember pesan-pesan orang yg penting2 mcm Pn. Rohaya, Dr. Shidah, my parents, my used to be loved one, my latest affair *ehek eheks*, my relatives and friends. my mom was so happy that she cried tears of joy and hugged me so tight that made me scared if she realized i haven't take my shower yet. *grin* tapi kasih sayang ibu tu tiada bandingannya kan because even though i told her i didn't even mandi yet, die peluk cium slamber je. either dia tahan nafas or i was naturally wangi even belum mandi. i bet it's the latest. ;p


Now that I have this wonderful one lifetime offer, I become nervous. It's not like i'm a fan of the current news and whatnot. only in the toilet you can see me reading the newspapers because it's the only time i can't do anything else except u-know-what. just now i had googled the media prima board of directors and everything and wow, it is really a tremendous company because it caters from tv3, ntv7, 8tv, tv9, nstp, fly fm, hot fm, one fm, and other big companies as part of their shares. i have been dreaming of going into an enormous company while walking confidently to my office etc. now this dream has become a little bit more real and possible. Alhamdullilah.. 


2 days to go and i have not prepared so much. dup dap dup dap dup dap..

Grieving Week

i told everyone in the house that i'm in my grieving session.. that sure excuse me from doing lots of things! haha. i didn't know having a broken heart has its own perks. mom tries her very hard to understand my situation although at times she just wish i could get over it and help her to do things around the house. then i give the excuse, sorry ma. i'm in my grieving week and she stops asking things done. i don't feel very guilty though cos right now, i have no heart to do anything. i sleep at 3-4 a.m. in the morning, and i wake 12 hours later. does anyone wake me up? nil. nada. imagine doing the same thing at your in-laws. hahaha. that's two haha now. maybe i'm getting better. maybe i have stopped grieving. maybe. but the memories? sure as hell kill me off sometimes. i should at least get 6 years of grieving sessions what.. i deserve it, isn't it? well not really bcos i would have missed a lot of opportunities that come in front of me. and i neglect to see it bcos of my stupid grieving sessions and whatnot. well, after the last time we saw each other, embrace the not so bright future that's going to happen if we decided to run away or anything, i start to inhale my breath better now. i have stopped crying for a few days already. no more sad songs that remind me of him going in circle for the whole day non-stop. i miss him a lot. of course i do. yesterday we sms each other and i found out that he was crying for us. i felt sad too. it's not like both of us wanted this shit to happen but well, forces of circumstances. sometimes you had to decide things depending on the forces of circumstances. even though both of us suffer from it. maybe, maybe one day god will reunite us again. and the next time we happen to be together, we might appreciate our relationship better than we used to. insyallah.. amin..pardon me on my grammatical errors. i'm in my grieving session, remember? *wink*

i have gotten an offer from a real estate agency last two weeks. i came for the interview and the boss straightaway wanted to hire me. not being cocky or anything, but i decided to give feedback at the end of this month and he agreed with my time frame. well what do u expect? it wasn't like i thought i could get it easily. so i really didn't expect the boss to offer me straightaway. why real estate even when my degree saying something else? well.. right now, all i want is to get lots and lots of money. the commission for a real estate negotiator is superb i tell u. but then u have to be very smart, very hardworking and also have the people-skill to be a good negotiator. i might have little knowledge in this field but the company offers two days of training that i believe will sharpen my skills and knowledge. the important thing is, u want this or not. and i want this so bad so that i can repay all the kindness that everyone has given me throughout this 24 years i've been living. however, i won't get basic salary because it all depend on the commissions. maybe the first month is like a training to me but i'm sure that i could do better the next month. well the commission works like this, if i manage to sell a rm200k house, i will get 2% from the price which is rm4k. then, the company will get 40% from the 2k, while the balance is mine which is rm2400. imagine, if the house is rm500k and above? and imagine again if i manage to close deal more than 2 houses? wouldn't i be shopping grandly at the end of the month? =) so if someone wants to rent the house, then i will get the renting price. if for instance the apartment is rm850 monthly, then i will get 60% from the rm850 for the success of closing the deal. i sure need a calculator after this. 

to be truth, there's another job that i have applied but i haven't hear anything from them. so i think, i just work my ass off for this job that is right in front of my head and see how it goes. if i don't like it i can stop on 24hours notice so it's no big deal. but i don't believe in giving up so much so i will try my very best for it. wish me luck alright~ 

it's almost three a.m. time sure flies fast when u stop having things to look forward. i need to wake up early tomorrow to accompany my sis to jb to buy some stuff. so lazy to wake up. urgh.

sedih.
terlalu sedih.

This is it..

oh tuhan...
sungguh besar dugaan mu kali ni ya allah...
tak ku sangka hubungan yang lahir dari hati yang suci dan ikhlas, terkubur jua akhirnya... 


'Pernah ada rasa cinta antara kita

kini tinggal kenangan
ingin kulupakan semua tentang dirimu
namun tak lagi kan seperti dirimu

oh bintangku
jauh kau pergi meninggalkan diriku
disini aku merindukan dirimu
kini kucoba mencari penggantimu
namun tak lagi kan seperti dirimu

oh kekasih..'

a lot of things have happened these past few days.. but one thing for sure, this is it.. no more us anymore.. *sigh* 

separation is painful.. especially when none of us wants it.. Tuhan tu maha kaya.. Insyallah one day, he will reveal the truth... Amin...

when can i finally smile again?

i really need a break from this issue.. i am so tired already.. god, please help me.. i get it that you want to test me and everything.. but please tell me how am i supposed to face this.. i have these two choices that will kill me in the long run regardless of whichever choices i make.. but i need to know which one will make me happier later.. they say, the future is a mystery.. yeah i know.. but right now? mystery is so not my thing.. 

i wish i have amnesia.. so that i can totally block everything in my mind and won't remember anything in the past.. start everything new.. i am so sick and tired with memories that won't go away even though i have asked them to abandon me.. they are apparently as stubborn as myself.. 

i am yearning for my happiness.. 

i don't know what i should do now.. 

*exasperated sigh*

if only life is like in movies.. no matter how difficult it is in the beginning, it always turn out better in the end.. 

Perpisahan Terasing

Perpisahan itu selalu terjadi
Kepada insan yang bercinta
Sungguh sedihnya rasa
Apabila ianya terjadi

Perpisahan bermula dari dua hati
Yang kehendaknya tak dituruti
Ataupun manusia
Yang berperasaan benci

( korus )
Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi debu berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa jiwa kerana kehilangannya
Oh oh... mengapa terus mengharap menanti
Walau cukup kusedari dia takkan kembali

Rintangan dari orang yang tak sudi
Menerima cinta dari hati ini
Menarik diri dan pergi
Membawa serpihan hati yang sepi

( ulang korus )

Perpisahan itu sungguh menyedihkan
Tapi semuanya di tangan takdir
Kita dikatakan pasangan bahagia
Oh... kini terasing luka
Oh... kini terasing luka
Perpisahan mengasing kita..


taken from www.liriklagu.com

it's complicated

wow. it is sure as hell complicated.
i wish i can reveal it here.. but i'm sorry.. this secret is too big to share with the whole world..
but..
the feedback was even more surprising..
hmm..
what should i do now?

Jb again

went to jb again for the fifth time this week with my mom and bro.. my mom wanted to look for some new clothes to wear in the kitchen.. yes.. although my mom is 66 years old and retired already, she still likes to wear nice clothes even if it's only to cook for us.. you would never see her in kain batik or kaftan during the day because she is always in her white pants and colourful blouse.. she loves making sure she is clean, pretty and smells good all the time.. even before she goes to sleep every night.. i admit i am influenced by that which is why i spend quite a lot for beauty stuff that my dad will never understand.. but support me nevertheless.. i guess that's the perk of being the last born in the family..

so we went to metrojaya and had a brilliant time choosing clothes for both of us (yes, i also tumpang a few as a reward for bringing her there) .. although the limit to try was three, but we brought a hell lot more than that and the staff was so nice that she didn't mind we try it all in one sitting.. and my mom loves striking colours like red, orange, and yellow which i really admire that woman at that age can pull off such colours.. even her lipstick is Marlyn Monroe red.. there was a time when Dior stopped producing the lipstick she used to wear and we had a hard time finding her a new one.. she is not the type who likes changes so much but luckily we manage to find the same colour although in a different casing.. after she tried all the clothes and picked 80% of the total of clothes we brought in to try, we had to wait quite some time to pay it all up because the system in metrojaya is very confusing. there is a five-days promotion where every rm150 spent in single receipt, you are entitled to get rm20 voucher. but, even if you spent rm1000 in one single receipt, you will only get rm20 voucher.. therefore in order for you to get the voucher for every rm150 spent, the cashier had to punch in the purchases separately.. so for instance if we buy stuff up to rm1000, the cashier have to key in the cash register about six times in order to be eligible for the rm20 voucher.. i didn't mind the waiting part.. it was fine because there were not so many people at the store but the part where i had to go up to fourth floor just to redeem the voucher killed me.. i was at the second floor so imagine the hassle in high heels, walking confidently and graciously because i had to walk through the men's department in the third floor and start to sprint off again to get to the fourth floor.. i think i manage to shed at least 500gm due to my effort in getting the stupid voucher.. and guess what? we can't use the voucher in one sitting.. for every rm50 purchase, we are only allowed to use rm10 voucher.. so after i redeemed three vouchers, i had to get down again to pay off the next items in order to be able to use all the vouchers.. even after i paid it off everything including the rm60 godammit voucher, i still had to go up again to redeem another rm20 voucher because we still had sufficient balance.. boy that was tough. it is even tougher than organizing a seminar.. well since i had an extra rm20 voucher in my hand after the final redemption, i used it to reward myself for a mascara.. yay! mine was already dried up and past its expiry date.. so starting tomorrow i can start blinking my eyes suggestively to hot guys!

i should be happy right now.. well scratch that.. i should be in a state of blissfulness since i have the brand new perfume, makeups, and clothes.. i should be euphoric and hysterical with pleasure to see how my family tried to support my emotional breakdown by buying me stuff and all.. it's not like money can't buy happiness.. yes sure it could.. but only to a certain extent.. when i'm alone, i'll be sad again..

they say, wait until i start working.. then the sky is the limit to any guy that i want to get in touch with.. not physically touching only of course but u know what i meant, right? ;) well, sometimes you just don't want any other guy.. because you already have the specific one in your mind.. so it is kinda difficult to adjust to something brand new.. it is possible but it takes time.. just like when you want to use a brand new toothbrush.. you still prefer the old one who seems to know which way to go, which teeth needs more TLC even though the brush already start to look like the one you scrub your floor with..

i already finished reading 'The Book of Tomorrow'.. and i'm a few chapters with 'Thank You for the Memories' by the same author.. cecelia ahern sure knows how to write brilliant stories.. there were never a novel by her that i didn't enjoy reading it from cover to cover..