The Road Less Traveled is Less Traveled By

feeling better?

2010-06-26T15:16:00.000+08:00

ok dah tak sedih sangat. time is the perfect medicine for broken hearts.. ;-) ish, camne aa nak ade emoticon2 dlm blog? sian asyik pakai yg manual je. nak gak nampak cam hi-tech! haha

well, the great news is, i got called to go for an interview and test appointment this coming monday at? Media Prima baybeh! Yesh Yesh Yesh Alhamdulillah.. Finally the door is opened for me. *senyum lebar puas-puas* i guess, if i have no boyfriend right now, i should focus on building up my career and be a successful one. i still remember pesan-pesan orang yg penting2 mcm Pn. Rohaya, Dr. Shidah, my parents, my used to be loved one, my latest affair *ehek eheks*, my relatives and friends. my mom was so happy that she cried tears of joy and hugged me so tight that made me scared if she realized i haven't take my shower yet. *grin* tapi kasih sayang ibu tu tiada bandingannya kan because even though i told her i didn't even mandi yet, die peluk cium slamber je. either dia tahan nafas or i was naturally wangi even belum mandi. i bet it's the latest. ;p

Now that I have this wonderful one lifetime offer, I become nervous. It's not like i'm a fan of the current news and whatnot. only in the toilet you can see me reading the newspapers because it's the only time i can't do anything else except u-know-what. just now i had googled the media prima board of directors and everything and wow, it is really a tremendous company because it caters from tv3, ntv7, 8tv, tv9, nstp, fly fm, hot fm, one fm, and other big companies as part of their shares. i have been dreaming of going into an enormous company while walking confidently to my office etc. now this dream has become a little bit more real and possible. Alhamdullilah..

2 days to go and i have not prepared so much. dup dap dup dap dup dap..

Grieving Week

2010-06-22T02:56:00.000+08:00

i told everyone in the house that i'm in my grieving session.. that sure excuse me from doing lots of things! haha. i didn't know having a broken heart has its own perks. mom tries her very hard to understand my situation although at times she just wish i could get over it and help her to do things around the house. then i give the excuse, sorry ma. i'm in my grieving week and she stops asking things done. i don't feel very guilty though cos right now, i have no heart to do anything. i sleep at 3-4 a.m. in the morning, and i wake 12 hours later. does anyone wake me up? nil. nada. imagine doing the same thing at your in-laws. hahaha. that's two haha now. maybe i'm getting better. maybe i have stopped grieving. maybe. but the memories? sure as hell kill me off sometimes. i should at least get 6 years of grieving sessions what.. i deserve it, isn't it? well not really bcos i would have missed a lot of opportunities that come in front of me. and i neglect to see it bcos of my stupid grieving sessions and whatnot. well, after the last time we saw each other, embrace the not so bright future that's going to happen if we decided to run away or anything, i start to inhale my breath better now. i have stopped crying for a few days already. no more sad songs that remind me of him going in circle for the whole day non-stop. i miss him a lot. of course i do. yesterday we sms each other and i found out that he was crying for us. i felt sad too. it's not like both of us wanted this shit to happen but well, forces of circumstances. sometimes you had to decide things depending on the forces of circumstances. even though both of us suffer from it. maybe, maybe one day god will reunite us again. and the next time we happen to be together, we might appreciate our relationship better than we used to. insyallah.. amin..pardon me on my grammatical errors. i'm in my grieving session, remember? *wink*

i have gotten an offer from a real estate agency last two weeks. i came for the interview and the boss straightaway wanted to hire me. not being cocky or anything, but i decided to give feedback at the end of this month and he agreed with my time frame. well what do u expect? it wasn't like i thought i could get it easily. so i really didn't expect the boss to offer me straightaway. why real estate even when my degree saying something else? well.. right now, all i want is to get lots and lots of money. the commission for a real estate negotiator is superb i tell u. but then u have to be very smart, very hardworking and also have the people-skill to be a good negotiator. i might have little knowledge in this field but the company offers two days of training that i believe will sharpen my skills and knowledge. the important thing is, u want this or not. and i want this so bad so that i can repay all the kindness that everyone has given me throughout this 24 years i've been living. however, i won't get basic salary because it all depend on the commissions. maybe the first month is like a training to me but i'm sure that i could do better the next month. well the commission works like this, if i manage to sell a rm200k house, i will get 2% from the price which is rm4k. then, the company will get 40% from the 2k, while the balance is mine which is rm2400. imagine, if the house is rm500k and above? and imagine again if i manage to close deal more than 2 houses? wouldn't i be shopping grandly at the end of the month? =) so if someone wants to rent the house, then i will get the renting price. if for instance the apartment is rm850 monthly, then i will get 60% from the rm850 for the success of closing the deal. i sure need a calculator after this.

to be truth, there's another job that i have applied but i haven't hear anything from them. so i think, i just work my ass off for this job that is right in front of my head and see how it goes. if i don't like it i can stop on 24hours notice so it's no big deal. but i don't believe in giving up so much so i will try my very best for it. wish me luck alright~

it's almost three a.m. time sure flies fast when u stop having things to look forward. i need to wake up early tomorrow to accompany my sis to jb to buy some stuff. so lazy to wake up. urgh.

2010-06-16T01:32:00.001+08:00

sedih.
terlalu sedih.

This is it..

2010-06-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

oh tuhan...
sungguh besar dugaan mu kali ni ya allah...
tak ku sangka hubungan yang lahir dari hati yang suci dan ikhlas, terkubur jua akhirnya...

'Pernah ada rasa cinta antara kita

kini tinggal kenangan
ingin kulupakan semua tentang dirimu
namun tak lagi kan seperti dirimu

oh bintangku
jauh kau pergi meninggalkan diriku
disini aku merindukan dirimu
kini kucoba mencari penggantimu
namun tak lagi kan seperti dirimu

oh kekasih..'

a lot of things have happened these past few days.. but one thing for sure, this is it.. no more us anymore.. *sigh*

separation is painful.. especially when none of us wants it.. Tuhan tu maha kaya.. Insyallah one day, he will reveal the truth... Amin...

when can i finally smile again?

2010-06-12T17:52:00.000+08:00

i really need a break from this issue.. i am so tired already.. god, please help me.. i get it that you want to test me and everything.. but please tell me how am i supposed to face this.. i have these two choices that will kill me in the long run regardless of whichever choices i make.. but i need to know which one will make me happier later.. they say, the future is a mystery.. yeah i know.. but right now? mystery is so not my thing..

i wish i have amnesia.. so that i can totally block everything in my mind and won't remember anything in the past.. start everything new.. i am so sick and tired with memories that won't go away even though i have asked them to abandon me.. they are apparently as stubborn as myself..

i am yearning for my happiness..

i don't know what i should do now..

*exasperated sigh*

if only life is like in movies.. no matter how difficult it is in the beginning, it always turn out better in the end..

Perpisahan Terasing

2010-06-12T01:14:00.000+08:00

Perpisahan itu selalu terjadi
Kepada insan yang bercinta
Sungguh sedihnya rasa
Apabila ianya terjadi

Perpisahan bermula dari dua hati
Yang kehendaknya tak dituruti
Ataupun manusia
Yang berperasaan benci

( korus )
Sebuah cinta dan harapan
Menjadi debu berterbangan
Tersekat nafasku kabur pandangan mataku
Amat tersiksa jiwa kerana kehilangannya
Oh oh... mengapa terus mengharap menanti
Walau cukup kusedari dia takkan kembali

Rintangan dari orang yang tak sudi
Menerima cinta dari hati ini
Menarik diri dan pergi
Membawa serpihan hati yang sepi

( ulang korus )

Perpisahan itu sungguh menyedihkan
Tapi semuanya di tangan takdir
Kita dikatakan pasangan bahagia
Oh... kini terasing luka
Oh... kini terasing luka
Perpisahan mengasing kita..

taken from www.liriklagu.com

it's complicated

2010-06-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

wow. it is sure as hell complicated.
i wish i can reveal it here.. but i'm sorry.. this secret is too big to share with the whole world..
but..
the feedback was even more surprising..
hmm..
what should i do now?

Jb again

2010-06-06T20:36:00.000+08:00

went to jb again for the fifth time this week with my mom and bro.. my mom wanted to look for some new clothes to wear in the kitchen.. yes.. although my mom is 66 years old and retired already, she still likes to wear nice clothes even if it's only to cook for us.. you would never see her in kain batik or kaftan during the day because she is always in her white pants and colourful blouse.. she loves making sure she is clean, pretty and smells good all the time.. even before she goes to sleep every night.. i admit i am influenced by that which is why i spend quite a lot for beauty stuff that my dad will never understand.. but support me nevertheless.. i guess that's the perk of being the last born in the family..

so we went to metrojaya and had a brilliant time choosing clothes for both of us (yes, i also tumpang a few as a reward for bringing her there) .. although the limit to try was three, but we brought a hell lot more than that and the staff was so nice that she didn't mind we try it all in one sitting.. and my mom loves striking colours like red, orange, and yellow which i really admire that woman at that age can pull off such colours.. even her lipstick is Marlyn Monroe red.. there was a time when Dior stopped producing the lipstick she used to wear and we had a hard time finding her a new one.. she is not the type who likes changes so much but luckily we manage to find the same colour although in a different casing.. after she tried all the clothes and picked 80% of the total of clothes we brought in to try, we had to wait quite some time to pay it all up because the system in metrojaya is very confusing. there is a five-days promotion where every rm150 spent in single receipt, you are entitled to get rm20 voucher. but, even if you spent rm1000 in one single receipt, you will only get rm20 voucher.. therefore in order for you to get the voucher for every rm150 spent, the cashier had to punch in the purchases separately.. so for instance if we buy stuff up to rm1000, the cashier have to key in the cash register about six times in order to be eligible for the rm20 voucher.. i didn't mind the waiting part.. it was fine because there were not so many people at the store but the part where i had to go up to fourth floor just to redeem the voucher killed me.. i was at the second floor so imagine the hassle in high heels, walking confidently and graciously because i had to walk through the men's department in the third floor and start to sprint off again to get to the fourth floor.. i think i manage to shed at least 500gm due to my effort in getting the stupid voucher.. and guess what? we can't use the voucher in one sitting.. for every rm50 purchase, we are only allowed to use rm10 voucher.. so after i redeemed three vouchers, i had to get down again to pay off the next items in order to be able to use all the vouchers.. even after i paid it off everything including the rm60 godammit voucher, i still had to go up again to redeem another rm20 voucher because we still had sufficient balance.. boy that was tough. it is even tougher than organizing a seminar.. well since i had an extra rm20 voucher in my hand after the final redemption, i used it to reward myself for a mascara.. yay! mine was already dried up and past its expiry date.. so starting tomorrow i can start blinking my eyes suggestively to hot guys!

~~i should be happy right now~~.. well scratch that.. i should be in a state of blissfulness since i have the brand new perfume, makeups, and clothes.. i should be euphoric and hysterical with pleasure to see how my family tried to support my emotional breakdown by buying me stuff and all.. it's not like money can't buy happiness.. yes sure it could.. but only to a certain extent.. when i'm alone, i'll be sad again..

they say, wait until i start working.. then the sky is the limit to any guy that i want to get in touch with.. not physically touching only of course but u know what i meant, right? ;) well, sometimes you just don't want any other guy.. because you already have the specific one in your mind.. so it is kinda difficult to adjust to something brand new.. it is possible but it takes time.. just like when you want to use a brand new toothbrush.. you still prefer the old one who seems to know which way to go, which teeth needs more TLC even though the brush already start to look like the one you scrub your floor with..

i already finished reading 'The Book of Tomorrow'.. and i'm a few chapters with 'Thank You for the Memories' by the same author.. cecelia ahern sure knows how to write brilliant stories.. there were never a novel by her that i didn't enjoy reading it from cover to cover..

Even more than words can say..

2010-06-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

usually people talk about places they go, food they eat, movies they watch, novels they read, and admirers they like.. while i talk about my personal feelings mostly.. i decided to blog not because i want to share information and whatnot because i am not the writing type of people.. i mean, you can ask me straightaway about things that i have experienced and i would be happy to share by two way communication rather than putting it on blogs.. well basically because i am not good with photography and editing pictures so my photos won't look nice like other people have and it is very tiring to write about it.. talking is more my thing.. i guess.. hence my passion in tv hosting and to be a newscaster.. =) i don't expect people to read my blog entries because mostly i write about my feelings.. so this is not the place to visit when you are looking for infos.. but it is more of my personal space.. where i lower my guards and express my melancholic feelings.. i am not sorry to bore you to death because i didn't ask you to come and visit my blog, aren't i? i didn't post it on my facebook status for everyone to be updated isn't it? so it's your choice to traverse to my universe.. and i thank you for that..

maybe i need to change.. writing about my feelings sometimes making others think that they know me too well already.. it's like, yeah i know how you feel based on my status, based on my blog, based on my comments writing etc etc.. sometimes they think they know me from my hundreds of photos posted on facebook and some are not nice and i have been tagged by my cousins because they are deliberately trying to embarrass me in a joking way of course.. i would prefer if people get to know me, by me.. ask me things.. i would be more than happy to share.. i prefer a face to face, ear to ear type of meeting rather than you judge me beforehand..

however, life is like that.. we tend to judge people before we get to know them.. well i do the same thing though.. and often i am amazed of some people i have misjudged earlier.. well that shows how last impression is more important than first impression.. it's what holding two people together is way better than what attracts them in the first place..

right now i'm reading 'The Book of Tomorrow' by Cecelia Ahern.. it's the third time i'm reading it but i still find it intriguing how the author could come out with a brilliant and beautiful story about a girl who only starts to appreciate her life after she has lost everything in her life including her father.. it is very well recommended.. i like the line when she wrote 'What if we knew what tomorrow would bring? Would we fix it? Could we?' .. imagine if you have a diary that writes down on what's going to happen tomorrow.. it's like a weather forecast where you know when it's going to rain or not so that you can get ready with an umbrella or a raincoat.. i would give anything to have that kind of diary at this moment.. if i know i'm going to cry a lot tomorrow, i would have punched the one who's going to make me cry the day before.. well not really.. just an idea though..

just now i went to jb with my mom, sister and brother in law.. after spending quite some time at gulati's searching for the 'wow'ness in the clothing material to make this year baju raya, we went to Malay Village for our dinner.. i like the ambiance at the restaurant.. very calm and peaceful with lots of greenery and woods.. it's very traditional and more to Bali style.. next time if i go there again, i put photos here alright.. really i'm not the put-photos-a-lot-type-of-blogger .. i am more writing my heart out type.. huhu.. if u want photos, there's plenty in my facebook profile.. which is why i rarely put any in my blog.. but whatever right.. if any of you want to go there, you can ask me for the direction.. i would be happy to help u guys! and the lamb chop is to die for! seriously.. i mean, this is not an ordinary lamb chop that u can find anywhere alright.. the thickness and succulent lamb meat is a mouth-watering dish! then again, i don't have photos to prove it.. huhu.. sorry!

new perfume.. old memories..

2010-06-04T01:56:00.000+08:00

during my secondary school, my mom bought me a perfume when she went to europe for the state trip.. she bought a whole lot and asked us to pick whichever we liked so i picked this one named 'Pele Mele'.. i didn't know why i love the smell so much.. so during the first year of my relationship with him i always bring the perfume around cos it was like my first perfume or something. and he recognized and loved that smell too.. it used to be our signature perfume..

well a lot of things have happened this year and how i wish i could turn back during the time we were so great together.. we were so damn good together.. he is like the last piece of my missing puzzle while i hold the key to his heart.. we complete each other.. there is no more u or i but we have become us.. but life is weird.. destiny decided to test on our relationship.. we were the chosen one.. for more than five years we managed to survive all the troubles, tragedies, miseries and whatnot..believe me there were a LOT.. but this one test given from god really jeopardize our relationship.. not that i blame god but maybe it is because that both of us are not strong enough to face these circumstances.. maybe it happens for all the right reasons which i still unable to discover.. maybe one day i will know why.. but right now, i am praying hard for the truth to reveal itself.. dear TRUTH, please stop hiding cos it breaks our relationship into tiny million little pieces..

therefore when today i went to plaza pelangi to accompany my lovely sister to buy things for her baby, i was astounded to discover the perfume that smells exactly the same with my pele mele. when i sprayed it on my hand, all the memories, feelings and happiness that the perfume used to witness rushed back and colliding with each other into my mind and it made me feel so sad but happy.. happy that i finally found the perfume but still sad because what's left were only memories.. memories of us.. to prove that we were so great with each other and who would have thought that it would ended this way..

i know by buying the perfume it wouldn't change a thing.. but at least, i could still hold on to the memories a little while longer.. it's J'Adore by Dior.. It means I love or I adore in French.. for five years memories it cost me rm398.. i guess it was well worth it..

it wouldn't be easy to be on my own at this moment.. but i hope god will show me the way how to get out from this maze.. i need guidance cos i can't do it alone.. i am never good doing things on my own.. i always need someone by my side.. it gives me strength and willpower that i never knew exist in my soul..

during the day, people see me laughing, eating, smiling and enjoying life like nothing crucial happened to me.. but little did they know this separation affected me in so many ways that i rather concealed.. it was brutal on how fate decided to twist my destiny.. but i couldn't blame god because it wasn't a religious thing to do.. frankly i didn't know how to overcome this situation.. i have no freaking idea how.. i couldn't spend 24 hours mopping my heart out.. i couldn't burden others with my suffering.. so like it or not, i have to put on a brave face like everything is fine when nothing will ever be fine again.. nothing will ever be fine because he is gone.. and he is not coming back.....

reality sucks.. i wish i can skip a year of my life because i am not ready to do anything at this moment... i just want to sleep for some time and when i wake up, he is there holding my hand not wanting to let me go ever again........

i hate my life right now. i seriously am.

2010-06-01T01:11:00.000+08:00

seriously, i am effing pissed right now.
i am pissed at how life turns out to be for me
i am pissed at how other people seem to come across happiness somehow in their life
i am pissed at how you choose to ignore me although deep in your heart you know i am not bloody wrong
i am pissed at how others can see that this effing thing that has been going on for so many fecking years are totally bollocks except YOU.
seriously, i am fucking pissed right now. pardon the usage of my language tonight because i am so pissed off that i think i deserved to curse. at least just for the night. i have been keeping this since like forever!
at least i want to curse to those people who accused me for doing things that i didn't do. well fuck you.
i did not fucking do it. okay?
so for god sake, stop accusing me.
you of all people should know what i am capable of doing and what i will never do just for my own sake.
you of all people should know that i don't believe in those shit. let alone do it.
you of all people should trust me when no one else in the world does not.
you of all people should bloody hell know me damn well as compared to other effing people.
you of all people should know how deeply wounded i am right now.
you of all people should know.
but then again, i don't even know who the bloody hell are you now.
you have changed.
from angel to demon.
from mr nice guy to green haired monsters. at least shrek is nice. unlike you.
at least shrek realizes his mistakes after he has lost everything.
what about you?
you want me to die first so that you can regret?
dream on. you'll see one day.
you are going to regret this mister.
fuck you.

Down on Bended Knees..

2010-05-28T02:25:00.000+08:00

Darling I, I can't explain where did we lose our way girl

It's driving me insane and I know I just need one more chance

To prove my love to you and if you come back to me

I'll guarantee that I'll never let you go

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how to get things back

The way they used to be? Oh God

Give me the reason I'm down on bended knee

I'll never walk again until you come back to me

I'm down on bended knee

So many nights I dream of you holding my pillow tight

I know that I don't need to be alone when I open up my eyes

To face reality every moment without you it seems like eternity

I'm begging you begging you come back to me

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how to get things back

The way they used to be? Oh God

Give me the reason I'm down on bended knee

Baby I'm sorry please forgive me for

All the wrong I've done please come back home girl

I know you put all your trust in me

I'm sorry I let you down please forgive me

I'm gonna swallow my pride say I'm sorry

Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me

I want a new life and I want it with you

If you feel the same don't ever let it go

You gotta believe in the spirit of love

It will heal all things won't hurt any more

No I don't believe our love's terminal

I'm down on my knees begging you please come home

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how to get things back

The way they used to be? Oh God

Give me the reason I'm down on bended knee

Can we go back to the days our love was strong?

Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong?

Can somebody tell me how to get things back

The way they used to be? Oh God

Give me the reason I'm down on bended knee

I'll never walk again until you come back to me

I'm down on bended knee

Wanna build a new life just you and me

Gonna make you my wife raise a family

I'll never walk again until you come back to me

I'm down on bended knee

Top 10 Hardest Thing About Breaking Up

2010-05-20T00:58:00.001+08:00

10. Some other girl/guy is going to woo your ex's heart out

VERY SOON.

9. He/She is going to wear the Tshirt that you gave him/her during a date

8. So does the perfume that you spent your monthly allowance/saving just to make him/her happy

7. Your used to be anniversary date is going to be a hell of a day/night to remember

6. You are going to bump into him/her one day without no one by your side to show off that you had moved on first

5. Or worst still, you see him/her with someone else new and you are wearing the ugliest t-shirt and shorts EVER!

4. You have no one to turn to during your hardest time

3. Less presents during birthday and special occasions and also pocket money

2. there's going to be a very BIG hole in your heart

1. All the used to be great memories between both of you are going to be your

worst nightmare.

need you now..

2010-05-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now

(Song - Need You Now by Lady Antebellum)
(lyrics from http://www.elyricsworld.com)

suddenly when the world is upside down with troubles, tragedies and miseries, i stumble upon lots of songs that represents my feelings at the moment.. maybe it portrays that the world is cruel to other people as well.. it doesn't happen to me alone.. well it's not that i feel better after realizing this but i guess that's how life is.. life is like a spinning wheel.. sometimes we are up in the air, laughing, smiling and having the greatest time of our life.. then without further warning, we come crashing down over the earth with our heart breaks into tiny zillion little pieces..

my heart is wounded.. i am waiting for the happiness to resurface and sustain.. i guess happiness is just like chipsmores.. it reappears and disappear before i manage to hold onto it.. if only all the memories can be erased as simply as clicking the 'empty the recycle bin' button.. everywhere i go, the journeys are haunting me.. even in my sleep.. it keeps me awake with eyes brimming with tears.. even biotherm can't cure my eyebag problem anymore..

i had once read this quote somewhere, 'ln school we are given a lesson and sit for a test later.. but in life, we are given a test that teaches us the lesson..' well it's true isn't it.. Thank you Allah s.w.t. for giving me the tests so that I would learn something from it..

i have to sleep now.. there's a finishing school program that starts at 8.30 a.m tomorrow.. i hope i will gain insight from this program.. i need all the knowledge to face the work field soon.. ^^

you are the reason i could fly..

2010-05-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

my prayer has been answered.. alhamdulillah..
i hope one day Allah will reveal the truth to whom it may concern.. i can't wait for it.. time tu, tau lah langit tu tinggi ke rendah..

everything is getting better these days.. i wanted to change my worst attitude for the best.. for his sake.. he's the reason i could fly.. so yes, i love him and i would do anything for him. quite sappy, aren't i? well, one thing i have learnt this semester. 'you never know what you have until it went missing'.

anyway, the semester is over now.. i have submitted my final draft this evening so i didn't owe anything to the faculty anymore. no more assignments, HELL YEAH! i'm all hyped up to work right at this moment.. parents want me to stay at home and makan tido but i beg to differ. i wanted to build my career anytime soon. i can't wait to be the one who could buy presents for everyone i love.. =)

gotta sleep.. very sleepy after driving from shah alam to pontian. ZzzZzer..

Hikmah

2010-05-01T15:06:00.001+08:00

selalu kan bila pape jadi mesti orang akan cakap, 'ada hikmahnya'.. kalau time tu kite tgh serabut dgn masalah mesti rasa nak sekeh sape yang cakap tu. hehe..

but the truth is, however cliche and corny it may sound, it's true.. it depends on us whether we can see the hikmah cepat ke lambat.. kalau kita negative je, memang lambat sketla. sesilap dah beranak pinak pun tak sedar lagi.. but if we have the positivity in our mind, insyaAllah Allah akan buka hati kita untuk nampak kebaikan dari keburukan itu.

I've talked to one of my lecturer in my faculty recently. She told me one thing, 'Allah sentiasa nak bagi kita yang terbaik. Kalau ada benda yang tak baik berlaku kat kita, mesti ade something yang baik jugak akan come out of it'. (ni tak la quote word by word. but this is something she said la kan. Gile la nak ingat semua. lol)

Well come to think of it, it's true tau. Ni sama la macam ada hikmah punya understatement tu.. Selalunya hikmah tu tak nampak time kita tgh meraung, meracau, mengigau and segala meng lah. Dia datang lepas tu..

So thank you God. I think I know why I had to face all these circumstances and whatnot. You knew better kan to give it to someone like me. =)

Right now, sume benda dah settle.. (kecuali a.e yang perlu di submit final draft ugh!) oh and the reflective paper. double ugh! hehe. no offense puan rohaya. it's not you. it's the papers.. hehehehe

I can't wait to build my career now. To those people who have stabbed me in the back, hurt me, made me cry, talked bad behind, beside or in front of me, i just want to thank you so much. Di sebabkan keburukan itu semua lah, Allah bagi yang terbaik untuk I. ;p

Old Trick

2010-04-25T17:52:00.000+08:00

i remembered the time when i started seeing so many guys at once.. (well not that many but exaggerating is a must when i'm so depressed. lol)
it was the time after i finished spm. fresh, innocent and most important of all, slim. well apparently guys like it better if u have slimmer body. it doesn't matter on your looks sangat kot sebab dulu i macam ugly jer but i still can get phone numbers easier than now. oh i forgot that i'm in a relationship. well that explained! eh, am i still in a relationship? i am not so sure myself.

so anyway, since i'm in a big mess at the moment, don't know what to do and everything is as confusing as a maze, i tried out the old tricks that i used to do whenever i'm stuck. well back then i used this trick to choose which guy i wanted to see that time. for instance, if i was supposed to meet three guys at the same time and i really didn't know which one to choose, i would write their names in a small piece of paper and crumpled it together. then i closed my eyes and pick one. it wasn't like i'm a diva or something it just getting to know people phase of life, you know. i didn't fool around like messing their or hearts or something i just hung out together, makan, tgk movie and had fun..

after been out of the dating scene for such a long time, i nearly forgot about this trick i used to do. when i tried it out just now, well the choices were 'find him' (gile stalker haha), 'give him time' or 'move on'. i wrote each choices in four separate pieces of paper (just to give the suspense building up when i wanted to open it slowly and excruciatingly later) and i crumpled it and closed my eyes and i picked five tiny pieces of crumpled paper. the first one was 'find him' and it made me smile, the second one was 'move on' and it made my heart beat way too fast.. i paused for a while. im really scared of the outcome...

the third and fourth choices were 'find him' and 'move on'.. so i had equal number of each choices now.. and i was freaking nervous for the last one cos i really wanted to find him so bad and i didn't want to move on.. at least for now, you know.. but when i opened it, i got another choice which was 'give him space'. lol. it nearly gave me a heart attack and yet it wasn't the final decision. so i had to go back and pick another one crumpled paper and it still gave me the 'give him time' shit.

now i am more confused than ever.

so lastly, i picked another one and it gave me.......

Menanti Sebuah Jawaban

2010-04-24T01:39:00.000+08:00

i hate to see me like this. if i have a friend who is in the same situation, i would probably hate her becoming such a sappy freak. i think i need to get my life back on track lah. this is too much already. i look dull, old and ugly. *sigh*

currently i'm listening to this song by padi. i forgot where i learnt to listen to this song before.. maybe from some of my old flames but whatever.. this is perfect.

sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmu
mendakap penuh harapan tuk mencintaimu
setulusnya aku akan terus menunggu
menanti sebuah jawaban.. tuk memilikimu..

i rarely listen to malay or indon songs for that matter.. but when im such a sappy psycho like right now, i do. somehow the feelings and emotions in those songs are more real and connected to me..

u know what makes me so sad though? the fact that everyone is treating me so well.. except him..
and the sadder thing is, i am still waiting for him.
damn.
i think i kena ubat guna-guna lah. ;p

New mooN

2010-04-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

as corny as the twilight:new moon movie is, it is somehow reflects my situation at this moment. not the part where my boyfriend is a vampire and my scandal is a werewolf. no. not that. how i wish to have such boyfriend and scandal. wow. it would be so cool to walk alone in the woods, ride a bike like mad or jump off a cliff and dive straight into the sea and never feel scared or anything cos there would always be someone who wants to save my ass.

but i like it. i wish my life is like in a movie. no matter how difficult it is in the beginning, it always turn out better in the end.

too bad life isn't like that. that's why we all go and watch movies. to see the impossible becomes possible in the big screen. at least it gives us hopes and dreams. until they crush and scatter into tiny million pieces because the hopes and dreams will never come true.

edward left bella because he thought he wanted her to lead a normal and happy life. little did he know his gesture only made things worst because bella would never love anyone else but him. but in the end he came back and made things better with bella.

however, my edward seems nowhere to be seen now. i hope he comes back soon cos the missing and crying and suffering is too difficult to do alone. and it is no fun okay. everywhere i go i see couples having fun, laughing, holding hands, smiling like there's no tomorrow. yeah i know i see them during their good times. but still, it hurts okay. i am deeply wounded.

five days and counting. that's how long we ever go on life without talking to each other ever since the first day we've been in a relationship. that's like, erm ancient years ago probably? now im not sure anymore. do i have to wait or move on or what? i have no bloody idea. i asked around how people heal from broken hearts but they told me that only time would tell. yeah. okay i know that. but what if i don't want to heal? i just want him for crying out loud.

i am so vulnerable right now. every single thing reminds me of him. it's easier for him cos he gets to go work somewhere afar. then he comes back he has his family to fall back on. i am alone at home. i have lots of works to do but i can't. it's difficult. i wanted it to be easy but it doesn't.

please come back.

please?

Live, Life, Love and Lost

2010-04-22T05:23:00.000+08:00

I have lived my life, I have loved someone..

Am I at the stage where I'm going to lose that someone now or what?

Damn I shouldn't have chosen this title as my blog url.

It seems like whatever I've said or typed, might come true.

Well it's not like I've learned about the law of attraction previously. Not until this semester. Now it's already too late. You know the law of attraction is like whatever you keep on saying either positive or negative, it might come true. It's like a prayer.

I've been off the dating scene for so long that my courting/flirting skills are no longer exist! I've forgotten how to blush, embarrassed, giggles, stroking hairs while talking, give my winning smile, ask questions like I mean it and the list goes on and on. The only thing that I haven't lost is my weight. Shit.

I've been in a relationship for as old as a kindergarten kid. I have lost the interest to get to know new people already.

Right now, in my relationship stage, I am having trouble.

A SERIOUS trouble.

You really don't want to know what's happening and I don't wish it to happen to anyone I know. Eventhough my sworn enemies. Yes I like to exaggerate.

But really. We are on the verge of breaking down. Like Gwen said in one of her songs that I forgot which one. But I swear I heard that line before and it seemed appropriate. Well whatever.

For those who think we are such a sweet couple and is least likely to break off, well dream on baby. Cos we are so not okay right now.

There are millions of reasons to break off now as compared to one tiny reason why we should hang on. Hang ourselves is more likely.

Yes I love him.

I bet he loves me too.

But apparently, our way of showing love to each other is by fighting with each other every minute of the day. Nice.

You know, I would kill to hear about someone else misfortune right now just to feel better. At least someone else in a dip shit too. Didn't human beings are like that? We loath other peoples' happiness. We want them to crumble and die.

Hmm. I am very bitter right now. I am lonely, depressed and clueless.

I hate this feeling.

I miss the good old days when we were so sweet together.

Making others vomit by our undying devotion.

Now I want to vomit seeing other couples holding hands, laughing and eating together.

Loner is my middle name now.

It used to be gorgeous though. Just kidding. Not.

I wonder if I have chosen different path. You know, like the road less traveled is less traveled by. If I have chosen the other path, maybe I would not end up in this state.

Maybe. I don't know.

The other path has moved on though. So sad.

Damn you.

i'm lost..

2010-04-21T01:55:00.000+08:00

i don't know how i am supposed to face this.. >.<

God, i know you are up there somewhere.. please.. give me the strength..

masa senggang

2010-04-09T13:19:00.000+08:00

i think people who write blogs have no outside life. sebab bila you duduk rumah tak keluar and whatnot kan, you terpaksela find your own entertainment. haha. no offense guys because i'm talking about myself. ;p i am not much of a homey type of person. if i were given a choice, i prefer to go out and explore the world. some of my friends who came to my house told me that if they have this kind of environment, they would be happy to stay at home.. but how much of astro, internet, well stocked food and cozy sofa that one can take before going insane? i like interactions for crying out loud. i need to see human beings. that's why i love going out. i have only one house mate and she often not at home because we have different schedules and whatnot so the closest interactions that i can get is from my cats.

i love going out. that explains why i am such a leo kot. however, my boyfriend doesn't have all the time in the world to spend with me. if he has a day off, he needs to divide his time by spending with his family also. that's where the problem arises because both parties are fighting for the same cause. hmm.. life isn't always wonderful, you know.

i was still mad when he fell asleep yesterday and thus, abandoned our plan to go out. i thought i wasn't angry anymore but apparently i was wrong because when i talked to him this morning, i was flaming with fire. of course he said sorry, but what else could he do? the damage is done. but maybe, if i could see that he was terribly sorry and guilty over this, i might have forgiven him. i wanted him to feel as remorseful as i did yesterday. yeah i'm a bad person. but at least, prove me that you are as sorry as i felt last night and i would be okay. perempuan kan macam kerak nasi. letak air lembut la dia.. ni pegi ceduk kasar2 pakai senduk kayu tu apsal. mane tak hancur berkecai. ceh bermadah pulak. hohoh.

ngantuk. penat. lapar. sakit hati. malas. bengang.

I have a dream

2010-04-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

You know the song, 'i have a dream.. a song to sing.. to help me cope with anything.. if you see the wonder.. then i forgot already what's next'. but anyway, you get the idea which one. ;p i used to like that song back during the days where lipstick is a foreign thing to me. i like the caption about 'i have a dream'.

i do have a dream.
or at least i've used to. until someone crushed it and broke into tiny little pieces.
*exasperated sigh like in dvd's subtitles if you know what i meant*
well it's okay. God knows and the truth will prevail. it's only a matter of time.. i supposed.

so right now, i'm shifting my focus to strengthen my potentials to the fullest and start to develop my career. wow. i sound like a business lady already. sorry mom but i am not interested to become teachers or lecturers at the moment. i don't mean to break your hope and heart but i have to do what i like, isn't it. believe me, please?

i can't wait to finish because i want to start working straightaway. however, i still have to wait until my lovely sister deliver her first born child and stay at home for maybe a month? then i'm off to the real world. i can't wait to start working. seriously. independent is my middle name now. (^l^)

well time to work my ass off to do the reflective journal. have to burn the midnight oil because i have writer's block. hmmm...

Marah

2010-04-08T21:34:00.000+08:00

orang kata kalau tengah marah, duduk. kalau duduk pun masih marah, baring. abistu kalau aku ni dah baring tapi still pissed off jugak nak suruh meniarap ke apa?

bengang gila. level 12 ni. ais krim pun boleh cair siot.

tapi pasal apa ek bengang?

sebab janji macam kambing. sorry kambing tak pasal2 terbabit dalam isu ni. nasib ko lah.

aku ni dah boleh jadi penunggu hantu raya. sebab 24 jam asyik menunggu je. boleh jadi pak guard pun ye sebab asyik dok termenung tunggu benda tak pasti. janji nak keluar pukul lapan malam tapi sekarang ni dah pukul 9.23 malam. agaknya kat seksyen 6 masih petang lagi kot. probably. well that explains it lah. damnyou.

i know i should not be freaking mad like this but what else is easier than become mad? kalau sabar tu senang, dunia ni memang aman je 24 jam. kan? sebab manusia tak boleh nak tahan marah lah tu yang dok perang sana sini.

i remembered the time when we were still in early years of loveship. he came all the way i forgot where to meet me in shah alam. but then i tertido and the phone was silent. when i woke up, i menyesal macam nak gila. how could i be so stupid to silent off my goddamn phone and tertido. yang sedih sangat he had to go back because there was no other way to call me and whatnot. i was staying at the intekma resort with my family that time. masa tu zaman muda2 la kan uols. sian dia. dahla taktau jalan shah alam. tapi dia sikit pun tak marah. and i was amazed with his patience. throughout the years dia memang sabar je dengan moi. cuma lately ni kan, since our loveship kena gegar dengan tsunami je die start hilang sabar. maybe it's my time pulak kot untuk sabar?

i know i should be patient. but being angry is easier. that's why lah.

okay now dah kurang sikit marah sebab dah luahkan perasaan kat sini. lagipun dia bukan sengaja nak tido kan. he must be tired sebab ada kelas tadi pagi sampai petang. hmm.. this is better. being angry is not cool la. mesti dia lagi sayang sebab i sabar. probably. yes ada chance nak demand present. oops. baik ada niat ni. ;p

okaylah bey. i'm sorry sebab marah macam orang gila walaupun you don't know cos you are still sleeping like a log while i'm fighting with my own feelings. marah sorang2 macam bangang. hahah.

erm nak demand makan ape ek malam ni sebagai tanda sorry sebab tak ikut janji nak date. hmm. any suggestions?
macam nak makan kat victoria station pulak.
sedapnyee!
tapi dah kenyang la tadi siang makan nasi ayam monrods yang sumpah sedap tu..
nantila siang makan victoria station. erm nak demand bouquet of bunga lily lah. roses dah selalu kan. hahah. nasibla sape suruh tido.
eh bunga tak bestlah. nanti mati jugak. kalau mintak sony vaio yang kaler purple tu okay tak? haha nak mampos.
whatev lah.

i'm no longer pissed off anymore. =)

Cliche

2010-04-03T12:24:00.000+08:00

It has been ancient since I haven't updated my blog. ~~(cliche. everyone keeps making excuses on this)~~

I have been very busy with lots of things yada yada. ~~(cliche. not one person fails to type this after giving the excuses)~~

But you know what? I managed to bla bla. ~~(cliche. some people will continue writing this as if making up for not writing for a long time)~~

Then what am I supposed to do now? Everything I wanted to say, is cliche. So what's the point?
You know the reason why I haven't updated anything since Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone was because I just didn't want to. So why in the world I need to apologize for not updating my blog anyway? It's my blog, it's my prerogative. It's not like I'm some kind of a celebrity that needs to be updated for my whereabouts, my thoughts, my everything just to show everyone else that I have a life. I am not Lisa Surihani that needs to have a fan page and tells everyone in the world about my latest project. I can have my own fan page if I want but what's the point of having a fan page if all the fans are my friends that I invited them in the first place? They are my friends. Not fans. There's a reason lah why it is called a fan page. Duh! No offense to anyone but yes, I am very bitter at the moment. That's why I wasn't here at the blogging space. Because whatever I'm going to write is going to hurt someone. Big time. Even though I didn't mean to. (But actually I did want to hurt you subconsciously because it's not fair to cry alone, I think) If you are my friend who is reading this blog for a friend sake, I want to tell you that I'm hurt. Why? that is in another story. ;p

You know sometimes when you are so lonely, deeply hurt and extremely depressed, you just want to read or hear about someone else that is dealing with the same things like you do. Why? because then you would feel better to know someone else feels more terrible than you do. Somehow it gives you relief that life is also unfair to that person next to you. Tell me if this is untrue. Prove me wrong. If I'm wrong, why in the world that you stalk your boyfriend's ex-girlfriend facebook account everytime you online? You just want to see if something bad happens to her and you will feel relieve. I don't know about guys but as for girls, I'm sure they'll do this. Why? ~~Because I did too~~. It's not that I have his ex-girlfriend's facebook account or anything but time to time I do click on her profile because she is friend with my boyfriend (lord knows why they have to be friends on facebook). ~~Of course I felt happy knowing she is less fortunate than me.~~ Well, who doesn't? Girls like to compare themselves with someone better than her. I don't know why but maybe it gives them the satisfaction of feeling inferior. But think about it. How can we compare with someone lower than us because then we would feel bad, right? So instead of feeling bad with guilty, we prefer to feel bad with inferiority.

Talking about facebook, there's one thing I am exceedingly puzzled about. WHY IN THE WORLD YOU WANT TO ADD ME ON FACEBOOK IF IN LIFE YOU DISLIKE ME? I dislike (I don't want to use 'hate' because it is not nice, but frankly LOATH is so much better) you too. So why add me? You don't talk to me at the faculty, you look in every direction but me when you cross the road, you don't say hi, you don't smile, y~~ou look ugly.~~ So why be friends on facebook? We ARE NOT FRIENDS HELLO! Friends DON'T stab on each other's back. I don't know why I get very emotional with this issue. It's not like I care anyway about those people who ignore me (trying their best to not see me but hello, I'm bigger than you of course you can see me haha). Hell yeah I am going to remove you from the friend's list. What do you expect? And when I do that, I'm sure words will travel around and say I'm the bad person after all. Hahah. Whatever peeps.

That's how life is probably.

Oh yeah. The seminar WENT AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT. You know earlier people keep on whispering about how my class was so quiet like we haven't do anything just because we didn't announce every single thing on facebook? Well they did. But in the end, the U8B seminar did a very wonderful job in turning the seminar into a great success! Well done everyone! I was like a proud mother who saw her children got straight A's or something when the seminar was over. I cried like a baby after the VIPs were escorted to the dining area but luckily I brought my mother as supporter. So she hugged me like there was no tomorrow and she cried too! My mother has been so great and helpful from A-Z. I love you mom! You are simple the best! Although there were complaints on lucky draw because half of the prizes went to our own group members but what do you expect? It's LUCKY draw for crying out loud. Biarlah kawan2 pun nak menang jugak. Hishh I don't get what this has to be the issue. You pergi seminar just for the lucky draw sake ke? Then no wonder la you tak dapat sebab niat dah salah. ;p Again, whatever peeps. You can say whatever you like because it's not like I can cover your mouth or anything kan.

I'm hungry.
I'm craving for Nasi Ayam at MonRods. Sumpah sedap..

2010 : The Year of Tiger

2010-02-17T02:20:00.005+08:00

Welcome to the Year of Metal Tiger!

Do you know that the year of tiger for 2010 just began a few days ago? It was exactly the same date as everyone else was celebrating Valentine's Day! Wow. No wonder I had the intuition to celebrate it no matter what since the people who were born on 1986, were those who ruled under the Tiger year according to the Chinese horoscope. Now I knew why our Valentine's Day was ferocious and vigorous. RRrrRr! Actually I was hoping to watch the Valentine's Day movie during Valentine's Day but the moment we got to the cinema, the show already ended. The last one was 11.30 p.m. In the end we watched Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief instead on the very second row beside this one couple who liked to comment every single scene. Imagine how annoying it was, having to watch the lightning effects and what not very closely to the eyes with the addition of two bloody voices who hurt my bleeding ears every single scene! That's not a way to celebrate V-day alright. Albeit to that, I enjoyed the movie very much. Instead of giving two middle fingers to the couple beside me, I switched to two thumbs up to the movie. I loike!

Shifting back your attention to the caption above, I would like to announce that this year is the most suitable time to start a business because metal is associated with money (don't ask me why, ask the astrologer), and tiger is a ferocious animal therefore it gives a good combination. According to www.astrocenter.com, The powerful combination of the element of Metal with the sign of the Tiger sets 2010 up to be quite an exciting year! Those who typically hold back will have the courage to pursue their goals. Go-getters will be especially brave. Tiger invigorates us with renewed energy and hope about our changing and often challenging lives. Metal may make us stubborn about doing what we feel destined to do, but beware that impulsive choices could result in negative results, so plan accordingly.

Senang kata, nak buat ape2 pun kenala beringat.. Jangan main sembarangan aje.. But I kinda like this year horoscope because somehow it gives me the idea to start my own business. Because I have found the place to buy the stuff in bulks and sell it to make a decent profit. =D

InsyaAllah kan. Tak cuba tak tahu. The worst it could happen that orang cakap belakang je pasal bisnes tu. And what we don't know, won't hurt right? =)

By the way, I kinda learnt a lot from my Professional Development course that I take this semester. Banyaknya manusia yang hati busuk. Before ni tak amik port sangat sebab tak kena batang hidung but now dah terkemek hidung yang mancung ni, terpaksa amik port gak. Then again, things always happen for a reason kan. Lagipun kalau kita buat orang, nanti kena jugak one day. Tah-tah lagi teruk. So baikla jangan jahat sangat.. Jahat sikit2 je.. Sebab nanti takdela teruk sangat kena balasan tu. Lagipun manusia kan tak perfect.. Tak semestinya pakai tudung tu hati bersih macam sabun dinamo. Tak semestinya depan orang senyum sampai meleret ke lantai tu hati baik macam malaikat. Semua tu tak pasti. Perangai dan hati orang kita tak dapat nak ubah. Kita ajelah yang perlu berubah dulu so manalah tahu dia malu sendiri dengan perangai hasad dengki tu, dia insaf. Kita yang tulis blog ni pun tak perfect mana. Sekadar nak meluahkan isi hati.. Yang baca tu janganlah terasa ya. Niat di hati nak berkawan, bukan berlawan. Tapi kalau tengok korang ni dah macam kena sawan, takkan kita nak jadi dermawan pulak, kan? Seb baik ada kek cawan dari group Wan.

Happy Valentine's Day & Happy Chinese New Year walaupun dah terlambat.

To Amy, Happy Birthday Lalink!

Paranoid

2010-01-27T00:56:00.001+08:00

I am paranoid right now.
You know how you always want to check the dictionary for words that you are unsure of? And you will get the definition where you need to recheck the dictionary again because you have no idea about the meaning of some of the words in the definition?
Okay let's try this.
We always think we know the meaning of certain words like when the lecturer asks us 'so do you know what is the meaning of acquisition' and we nod our head dutifully or excitedly say yes a few times to convince the lecturer that we are not stupid not to know the meaning after learning about SLA over and over again AND, when the lecturer asks again so what is the meaning of it in English, we either mumbling in unison just to give the impression that we know it OR we will look at our friend sitting next to us trying to look so engross about the question that the lecturer may not call our name to answer it individually. Sounds familiar?
But I just want to bring your attention to this situation where I LOATH it when I look up a definition in the dictionary, for instance the word 'paranoid' (I do get the basic idea what is paranoid but just to be sure, I want to check it in the dictionary) so it gives me this ---> Suffering from paranoia. Ok thanks a lot. Instead of getting rich with vocabs, I end up not knowing two words now. So AGAIN, I have to check the dictionary what the hell is paranoia. So the dictionary gives me this ---> A psychological disorder characterized by delusions of persecution or grandeur. Does it help me? Yes if I just want to copy paste the answer but not when I want to explain it in my own term. Then again, instead of not knowing only one word, I end up not knowing lots more. No wonder I once heard the saying 'The more you discover, the more that you do not know' or something similar to that. AGAIN, I have to check the bloody cheeky dictionary for making my life extra miserable with highly ambitious definition as if showing off to me that she knows the meaning when I'm not, the meaning of the word grandeur. Obediently I type the word grandeur to my electronic dictionary to find out the meaning so I get this ---> The quality of being magnificent or splendid or grand. Oh okay now I know. But by the time I resolve all the difficult words, I had no idea what am I supposed to find out earlier. I had lost it. And I become paranoid with this scenario.
Eh come to think about it, I think I have the brief idea what paranoid is all about! Because I had just experienced it. Wow. Maybe that's what the dictionary is trying to do, to give me the hands on experience so that it lasts in my memory. Double wow. This is amazing. I'm glad I wasn't looking for the meaning of the word 'suicide'.

Actually the purpose of this entry not to share with you all how I apply my dictionary skills at home. I was upset to be truth. But now that I have been babbling about the issue above, I seem to have forgotten what the hell was I supposed to be upset about. Either blogging is one of the ideal way to release tension or I simply have short term memory problem. Probably the combination of both.

Since I'm feeling better now, I should head off to sleep.
And stop being paranoid about searching for the meaning of the word paranoid and gets paranoia instead where I still don't understand the definition of paranoia that the dictionary gives me. Oh crap.

Something to get you to think,

'How do you know if a dictionary misspell a word?'

Picture Perfect

2010-01-22T16:45:00.000+08:00

I had the weirdest dream of all two nights ago.
And of course I was the heroine.
But this contained a lil bit 18sx so I hoped you all could handle it well.

In this unforgettable dream I had, I was lying sideways on the bed, with my body curled to my right and with my two cats in the middle purring peacefully and my boyfriend on the other side lying sideways too with his body curled facing me. He put his right hand as if hugging me but not too close to strangle my cats to death and my head rested almost in contact with his chin. It was so picture perfect because we looked like the happiest couple in the world with our cats sleeping in between. I could still remember the flickering light of my table lamp because it is always been that way since after my cat pounced on the lamp and it fell down almost broken but still trying it's best to provide just the correct ambiance for my perfect night. I could still hear the steady inhaling and exhaling from him and the contented purring from my cats. It was too picture perfect.
And it is still perfect if only I don't have to wake up from the dream.
But life is isn't. Right?
So it is time to get back to reality.
As much as I think I am not really an Idealism kinda girl but in the most circumstances I think I do. But is it wrong wanting a perfect life? I am not sure about others but I do want a perfect life. This is not just a mere physical perfect you see. More like I-don't-want-any-big-problems-in-our-relationship kind of perfect. But then again, who doesn't have one?
I like to appear perfect in most sense. I like people to see me as someone who doesn't let the problem troubles me at any cost. Even if they do. Most of the time. Or I like people to see me like I don't have any problem at all especially in my relationship. I think probably because I want them to see my relationship as picture perfect. I rather share only the happiness and joyfulness in my love life rather than spending the agonizing detail how we fought from A-Z and going back to A again. On one side maybe because I don't want to trouble my friends. On the other side, I just like to show off. Maybe. Isn't what they always say, there's always two sides in every story so pick your side and have a blast. I don't bloody care.
Believe it or not, as much as I badly wanted not to have any problem in my love life, I ended getting the biggest of all.
Life get's to you in every way that you will never expect it to be.
Ouch.

Zodiac and Other Bullshit.

2010-01-17T02:39:00.001+08:00

Do you believe on how your character or personality is somehow shaped up based on your zodiac and whatnot?
I do.
Mine is a Leo.
And I am Leo the Lion.

Positive Traits: generous, honest, warm-hearted, magnanimous, broad-minded, expansive, loving, proud, enthusiastic and creative with a flair for showmanship and drama

magnanimous? WTF is that? Oh. it's noble and generous in spirit. But I still don't get it. So I am only noble and generous spiritually or what? Whatever.. I can't really admit that I do possess some of these positive traits without sounding like a total-bragger, isn't it. No worries guys cause I won't admit that I am generous, honest, warm-hearted, magnanimous, broad-minded, expansive, loving, proud, enthusiastic and creative with a flair for showmanship and drama. I won't.

But one thing I am sure of, people LOVE tragedies. Especially if it happens to other people. That's why lah we all read the newspaper, isn't it? =D I know you are all excited to know the negative traits of a leo. It's no fun to see the goodness in me, right. Okay, okay. No need to push around.

Negative Traits: pompous, patronising, bossy, interferring, dogmatic, intolerant, bullying, conceited, snobbish and power-mad

Can you read it? I'm sorry the font is too small. I am not sure what's wrong with the font button. I tried to enlarge it but it kept on getting smaller. Haihhh.. How are you supposed to make fun of my negative traits now? Sorry to kill the fun.

Whatever zodiac that you are born with, cherish it. Memangla you tend to like your positive traits je kan but it's better if we are aware of our bad attitude too cos from there, we could somehow try to improve ourselves. (cakap jer ni tapi memang susah nak ubah sikap masing2.)

As you go along reading your zodiac at whichever free horoscopes website, check your love compatibility too. My bf is a Capricorn and to quote from the site, 'In the area of everyday life, there could not be two more different personalities than those of Leo and Capricorn'. haha. To be frank, sometimes it's difficult to work things to out with him since we are two different believers. I want this, he wants that. I like this, he likes that and the list will be never ending. But then again, there's always the saying, 'opposite attractions'. Tak kisahla kan. Gaduh2 pun, dah almost six years we have been together. =)

When you have the time, analyse your zodiac. I bet you will nod at some points and admit in your heart by saying 'Ha'ahla betul! Camne diorang boleh tahu aa??'.

You're the best thing I never knew I needed

2010-01-14T12:01:00.000+08:00

I wonder how it would be

if everything I have right now,

is taken away

'pOof!' just like that.

Fav Quotes

2010-01-09T15:59:00.000+08:00

You never lose by loving..

You always lose by holding back!

True Love is like a ghost..

You only hear people talking about it, but you rarely seen it.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times..

But always with the same person.

Isn't it strange that sometimes the memory of an act of kindness can cause more pain than the cruel stuff?

10 Ten Things I Hate About You

2010-01-09T02:37:00.001+08:00

Ten Things I HATE about You

I hate it when you make the irritating sound just to annoy me

I hate it when you shake your head because you are annoyed with my actions

I hate it when you DON't pujuk me when I merajuk

I hate it when you fail to understand why I keep on whining about my weight so much

I SUPER DUPER HATE IT WHEN STEWARDESS CALL YOU ON YOUR CELL (for goodness sake, harass other pilot please, this one is MINE!)

I hate it when you don't have time for me

I hate it when you easily fall to sleep cos I am not

I hate it when your clingy friend is 'dramatically clingier' than me

I hate it when you hesitate to show your affection to me in front of other people

And most of all, I hate it when

you are not here.

I just want you, and everything else won't matter anymore.

Tiny Orgasm

2010-01-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

My first paycheck! Drum roll please.

Drrrmmmmm Dummm Dummmm!

Wuhoo!!

Super Excited over Super Cool Things!

2010-01-03T03:23:00.002+08:00

I admit defeat.

This brand new pump shoes, has taken my breast breath away.

I am so head over heels over this!

Thank you cayang! (Time ni lah nak sayang kan)

I was at Bukit Raja just now, having dinner at Johnny's so we were actually on the way to the car park where we I decided to take a peek on what's new at the Royal Sporting House. Seriously, this pump shoes totally caught me off guard! Suke gile tibe2. Luckily there's one last piece for my size! Ade ke bila mintak size lapan the salesguys macam nak tergelak sebab mintak size besar. Ceh. Ketuk pala kang. Hoho. Tapi the salesguys were good and professional and funny and gediks. Even though kedai dah nak tutup cos it was almost ten already but they all still layan and carikan the shoes apa semua. Good job guys! Tapi yang perempuan kat cashier tu muka memang tak bleh blah. Asam pun tak masam macam muka dia. Haha. Lantak ko lah. Janji aku dapat kasut baru. Sikit pun tak jadi kudis. ;p

Before beli kasut yang super cool ni, singgah Levi's kejap nak belikan si dia T-shirt. Sejak dah gendot ni, dah lama tak beli jeans Levi's sebab takde size yang perempuan punya and I was astounded when the girl handed me a pair of jeans and I TOTALLY CAN FIT INTO IT WITHOUT SUCKING MY TUMMY OR GASPING FOR AIR! For real! hahaha. (Actually ade tahan nafas sikit but totally can zip it up. Please don't tell anyone). I was so happy that I finally can fit into Levi's and so I asked si dia to look one for himself too. Totally in generous mode ni maklumlah cik PT dah keluar. Mula2 segan konon tapi amik jeans yang lagi mahal dari moi. Ceh. And his jeans is totally butt-grabbing sebab tight fit. Huiyoo. Tak sabar nak grab! *wink* That's why lah dapat pump shoes tu sebab konon2 boleh barter trade dengan jeans. =D

And, I bought something at POPULAR!

It's like a drawer where you can put papers in it. I'm not sure the name but if I'm not mistaken it's a 7 tiers document drawer. I bought it mainly because it fitted with my theme colour for my study corner. Black & Red. Macam mysterious la gitu.

It's a coincidence that I found the drawer. I wasn't planning to buy any because I put all my coloured papers in a file but now that I have a more suitable place to put it, I can hardly wait to start organizing!

Hobi

2010-01-01T15:32:00.001+08:00

Saye ada satu jenis perangai yang suka sangat beli benda untuk kraftangan. Taktaula nape. Selalu orang beli benda sebab nak buat something kan mcm, 'Oh! Esok birthday si polan so nak pergi mph la cari coloured paper, pen and whatnot.' But I am different. I had bought all those stuff long before I plan to create or design something. Hoho. Konon2 macam sediakan payung sebelum hujan lah ni. Betul pe. So kalau last2 minute plan nak kena produce something at least I already have the materials what. (Tetibe defensive haha).

So everytime kalau pergi MPH, Popular or any bookstore, memang tak sah keluar dari situ tanpa bawak plastic bag. Perangai ni memang dah difahami oleh teman2 rapat, sanak saudara dan yang paling penting, si dia. Sebab kadang2 nak kenyit2 mata kat si dia bila nak something and dia faham sangatlah. Time kasih Tuhan sebab berikan saya seseorang yang sangat memahami. =D

Selalunye barang2 kraftangan yang saye beli tu saye simpan dalam bag/drawer je. Tapi kali ni tidak lagi sebab saye dah jumpe bekas yang sangat effisyen untuk menyimpannye! Yipppeee.. Excited sangat. Jom tengok.

Kotak biru tu dah beli lama dah tapi malas nak mula kemas so bila dah beli kotak yang putih tu, tetibe dapat wahyu nak kemas barang2 tu sume recently. Tak mahal sangat pun bekas2 ni. (Oh boleh beli kat Popular ye kawan2)

They said curiosity kills the cat?

Nak tengok version yang dah kemas tak? =D

Yayyy dah siap kemas! Cantik tak? Hoho. Nasib baik Dore pun tolong kalau tak mungkin tak dapat nak siap kemas. =D

Benda2 ni berguna sangat bila nak buat something tengah2 malam sebab selalunya ilham datang time2 camtu. Siang2 ni panas so takde masa nak fikir. Maybe that's why saye suke beli benda2 camni awal2 lagi. Kalau boleh saye nak semua benda ada so bile nak guna senang. Takdelah tercari2 kan.

Oh jom tengok koleksi kaler2 pulak?

Dari kecik lagi saye memang SUKKKEEEEE sangat dengan kaler pensel. Memang dari dulu lagi pakai LUNA sebab maybe tu je lah brand yang ada zaman dulu. So mak abah selalu belikan kaler pensel walaupun ade lagi yang lama so bila sepah2, nanti abah akan kumpul balik pastu ikat dengan getah. Sebab abah ni jenis yg tak suka membazir. Yela dulu dia orang susah so dia dah biase camtu. Since I am the spoilt brat, I sepah2 je la sume benda. Tapi dah besar lain sikit. Kalau suke sangat benda tu, mesti simpan sampai bebila. Ade kaler LUNA yg 36 pakai time form 1 pun ada lagi simpan tau. Cuma tak ingat simpan kat mane je. ;p

The latest addition dalam gambar kat atas ni ialah pen staedtler : triplus fineliner tu. Die lagi smooth and halus dari pen kaler Stabilo yang lagi satu tu. Perasan tak yg body kaler kuning jalur2 tu? And yang ni kalau tulis tak tembus kertas so lagi cantik. Setelah berjaye kenyit2 mata kat si dia, dia pun belikan lah dengan harga RM58.90. Tapi taktau kenape dekat Popular lagi mahal. Around RM70 camtu. Either mamak kedai stationery ni salah letak harga or dia pun tergoda dengan kenyit2 mata pastu bagi murah. Wallahhualam. Taknak tanya nanti die suruh bayar lebih pulak. Anggap je la rezeki masing2. Ngee. Yg LUNA 48 tu dah beli lama dah tapi tak pakai sangat sebab takde apa nak kaler. Beli sebab suke je. Alah nanti dah kawin esok kasikla kat anak pakai. (Nak rasa kurang bersalah. Hehe) Pastu ade 48 Crayon Shin Chan and lastly, water kaler. Tetibe nak jadi macam Picasso tu yang beli tapi biasalah. Hangat2 tahi kucing aje.

Selalunya memang suka pergi kedai buku camtu so bila kat sana macam dalam syurga. Kalau tengah gaduh dengan si dia pun boleh terlupa and lepas tu baik semula sebab nanti nak kenyit2 mata mintak dia belikan. So far dia memang tak pernah marah beli benda2 camni. Lagipun there's no harm kot in liking stuff like this.

Korang kalau suke benda2 camni, bleh pergi tengok barang2 yg mcm jibbitz tu kat Kedai Buku AmeenaBee kat Sek.7 (die berderet dengan 7E, Dihati), Kedai Scrapbooking kat OU (satu level dengan movie old wing, jalan nak ke New Wing -area Celebrity Fitness) (Tapi kat OU banyak kedai camni cuma barang2 dia mahal je la), Popular yg paling best so far rasanya kat Ikano (sumpah xnak keluar bila dah kat dalam) (Pyramid pun best jugak kot), MPH terbaik semestinye di One Utama. Macam MidValley ke KLCC tu saye jarang pergi sebab tak suka susah cari parking so kalau korang ada kedai2 yg best, boleh la bagitau.

Minum kejap sebab haus la tolong kemas tadi.

Colmar Tropicale, 28.12.2009

2010-01-01T01:15:00.004+08:00

The weather was unbelievably pleasant all the way up to Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi Pahang. Colmar Tropicale is a replica of a collection of buildings from France back to the 16th Century. Well when I used the toilet in the hotel I was lucky that I didn't have to fetch a bucket full of water from the nearby river. Who knows they might want us to feel the total experience like in the 16th century! After we had our short lunch break at the McDonald near UIA Gombak, I told him our actual destination because he kept on bugging me where we were going. I could see his face lit up with excitement because apparently he likes going to places like that.

I always like going into a tunnel but too bad we don't have a lot of it in Malaysia. I have no idea why but probably because it is dark, cold and mystery. Sorry for being weird but I just lluuuurrrrvvveeee going inside it!

dup dap dup dap

So this is it. Our exit!

For your guys information, the exit is around ten minutes after the Genting Highland exit. Because I was confused and it seemed no one could help me on this. So I hope for first timer out there, you won't get confused as I did. =) Then you will go uphill around 20minutes-30minutes depending on the traffic, car and weather. There will be signboard so no worries guys. Anything, you can ask me beforehand I will be glad to guide you up. And please, Rm10 for tips yeah. I am not kidding. ^^

The entrance fee is only RM10 each. This tix is needed for you to go into the Colmar Tropicale and also the Japanese Village.

We finally arrived! Yayy!

So much for bringing sweater because it gave me sweats rather than protecting me from the cold. So I had to abandon it in the car and exposed my pink sleeveless. Although I would love to show my skin off sometimes but seriously, I wasn't really into sexy clothes actually. Maybe because I'm afraid I won't look good cos I have a flabby tummy. Shoot!

The place has a very gorgeous surrounding but mostly it is suitable for honeymooners who like to enjoy the scenic view. And enjoy the suite. If you know what I mean.

What could I possibly trying to reach?

Oh! The magnificent swan!

Then after we had enough with this medieval merlin kinda theme we headed to the Japanese Village which took about ten minutes drive. I wanted so badly to go there by the shuttle bus but then we had to wait around for another twenty minutes. Boy was I glad for not waiting because the road up to the Japanese Village was extremely steep and scary! However, since we didn't use the shuttle bus, we had to hike our ass off up on the hill. Instead of hiking upwards, I didn't know why I kept on walking backwards. But we had a great laugh climbing it. It was super fun doing things with the one you love. Awww. Sorry, super gross to you. I know. I didn't mean it. Ok let's move on.

I'm walking on sunshine.. Wooo.. It's gotta feel good! La La La

I heard all the stuff at the Japanese Village they imported straight from Japan. No wonder this 'ulat bulu' looked wayyyy different than ours!

As much as I have enjoyed my time being together with the most wonderful man on earth (I'm sorry guys. I just miss him and he is wonderful. At least to me. ^^), we had to go back to real life. So we decided to end the day by watching Alvin & The Chipmunks 2 at One Utama.

Goodbye 2009. We had a fantastic closure.

The Birthday

2009-12-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

I managed to cook an edible Spaghetti Bolognese for him last Sunday. However, we didn't get to eat it at any Putrajaya lakeside garden or anything due to the bad weather so we ate it in the car instead! We parked at the Dengkil RnR parking spot and believe me, it wasn't easy trying to lit up 23 candles in the car. Konon nak kelainan la ada candle banyak2 pastu menyesal sebab susah nak nyalakan. Haha. The joke was on me. At first I wanted to blindfold him but boy he was so scared! So I abandoned that idea.

He was quite surprised because I hid the cake and food in the boot. It was drizzling when I tried to lit up all the candles but I managed anyway.

birthday boy/guy/man (whichever is applicable)

The last time I brought a cake like this when we were in the first few months of our relationship if I'm not mistaken. I still have the photo and both of us looked very different! I didn't really want to expose the photo here cos I looked ugly. So end of story. XD

He liked my spaghetti! Yayy! But the fact that he was damn hungry might cloud his judgment but whatever. He liked it so that was mucho importante.

Habis tau kitorg makan. (But mostly sebab lapar! Ngee..)

To be continued... ^_^

Dua Insan

2009-12-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

Bila kau senyum, ku gembira
Bila kau sedih, ku menangis
Bagai taman rindukan kembang
Ku rindu pada mu oh! sayang

Di mana saja kau berada
Ku kan tetap bersama mu
Walaupun jasad mu jauh
Namun hati mu dekat selalu

Walau duri halangan menimpa
Bila cinta ada ku tetap setia
Hanya dikau dan asmara
Membuat hidup ku bagai
Dalam Syurga ..

Biar masa berganti masa
Biar pun musim berubah
Telah ku katakan padamu oh! sayang
Hanya kuasa Tuhan dapat memisahkan

Jika kau tanya pada rembulan
Mengapa cahaya berseri-seri
Tentu jawabnya kepada mu
Kerna dikau cinta pada ku

Ku persembahkan kepada mu
Sekuntum bunga mawar merah
Kau terima sambil tersenyum
Kembang yang harum kau cium

Bila saja halangan menimpa
Kerna cinta ada ku tetap setia
Hanya dikau dan asmara
Membuat hidupku bagai
Dalam Syurga

Dua insan sedang bercinta
Dua insan berjanji setia
Telah ku katakan pada mu oh! sayang
Hanya kuasa Tuhan dapat memisahkan..

I like the lyrics of this song. And I remembered we sang it together in the car not so long ago while we were cruising down the highway with the top down. It felt nice. It felt even nicer when you assured me that everything would be okay someday. Alright, I trust you darling.

Sorry to those who read this entry and feel geli. He's on a four days trip now so I am very emotional when he's not here. Hoho. Kesian korang. ;p

The Big Ideas

2009-12-27T03:07:00.000+08:00

My cousin suggested me to bring him to Bukit Tinggi Resort as a birthday surprise.
Well I kinda like it tho'.
Plus, Bukit Tinggi is not very far from here. I think my Savvy can survive it.
Since it is a surprise, I can't actually ask him to drive his car, isn't it?
How am I supposed to blindfold him without causing traffic congestion at the highway?
The good thing is that he is not working on Monday. So I can book him for the day! Yay!
Thanks Zetty for this BRILL idea.
(Furthermore, I can divert his attention from the YAMAHA keyboard by giving this grand gesture)
Specially when I have only RM200 in the purse. God knows where all my money went.
Maybe there's a big hole in the pocket.
That means I have to buy a new purse then?
Ok I shut up.
By the way, I bought a cake already! It is called chocolate mud cake or something. The salesperson assured me it tasted real good. So I believed him. If it doesn't taste good, he should be prepared tomorrow. I am so going to throw the cake onto his face. He should see this coming. I was very serious when I threatened him at Secret Recipe earlier this night. I wasn't kidding at all.
So the plan is, tomorrow I'm going to pick him up at the airport with home cooked meal made by moi. Don't ask me what I'm going to cook tomorrow cos I'm still unsure. Everything is last minute. I still haven't had the time to buy the balloons and everything yet! Oh shit. Tomorrow is Sunday. The store must be closed, right? Damn. But probably I only cook him spaghetti because it is easy and fast. Then I will pack it up nicely and bring it to the airport. Hope the weather is crystal clear tomorrow. So maybe we can eat at the Putrajaya nice botanic park or something. Oh I can't wait!
Then on Monday we can go to Bukit Tinggi!

**I hope he is not reading this. It will totally ruin everything. But knowing him, he won't. =)

Stuck on Birthday Pressie

2009-12-26T17:38:00.000+08:00

It's tomorrow and I'm still unsure what to get him for his birthday.
I asked him and he wanted a Yamaha keyboard. What?
My boyfriend is a musical genius now?
I thought five years is enough already to get to know from A to Z and back to A again.
Apparently not.
If I have the cash right now, I would. But I don't.
I can't exactly make a photo collage or those creative handmade thingy anymore because that is so 2005.
Damn.
I'm stuck.
Luckily he is in Kaushoun tonight and he's going back tomorrow so at least I have few more hours to think and come out with one. If there's any. I hope.
Dinner for two? Ceh. Every night we have dinner for two. LOL. Oh you mean the candlelight dinner? Knowing us, the spotlight will work better than candles.
Mix Cd? Probably OK but he should be able to download all the songs that he wants to listen, right? If I burn the CD, wouldn't it be my choice of songs which somehow are my favourite songs which I will enjoy more than he does? Damn. Next please.
If only he is like me. The list of things to give for my birthday is never ending. He should be thankful to be with me you know. At least he doesn't have to look for ideas what to give me for birthday present. He just have to look for the money. And everything will be rest assured.
Damn I'm disctrated. I can't even spell the word disctrcted anymore because I am so ditracsted already.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2009-12-26T05:37:00.002+08:00

'Don't worry about what people think
They don't do it very often.'

The Makeover from Dior

2009-12-26T04:57:00.000+08:00

Natural beauty? Bah. No one can actually look good without at least a powder on her face. Seriously. But it's not that we have to really rely on the power of make ups to look gorgeous. We do need a little bit of assistance to look good.

So the other day when I had to be the MC, I decided to seek help from the experts. All this while I have been using Dior as my main source of beauty. Of course it is pricey but believe me, it is all worth it. Therefore instead of paying a small fee to get someone to do my makeups, I decided to purchase some stuff in order to be qualified to get the free makeover. The minimum is RM250.

I can't exactly remember the price of the compact but I guess it's around RM190. That was why I had to add in the lipstick to get the makeover. Nice lipstick cover, isn't it? I just lurrrrvvvveeee makeups from Dior!

Basically this is my usual makeup kit.

I just recently started using the liquid eyeliner. Before this I was too chicken to try it. But now, I am loving it! Of course la masa mula2 apply tu your eyes will easily look like a racoon because your hand will shiver, and you are not used to the pointy brush but do not fret. You will get used to it. If I could, so do you!

You may wonder what is makeup base. Well, it works out as a foundation for my face so before I put on my powder, I apply the base first. Believe me, it makes the skin smoother and glossier. And it makes your makeups last longer too. If you just going out to eat, you don't have to paint your face red using the blusher. Just a little dab on your cheeks to make your face pinkish or bronzy (depending on your choice of blusher). Eyebrow pencil helps a lot for non-existence eyebrow like me. Actually it is a good thing too because I don't have to go on plucking my eyebrow which I really loath since it is painful. And I don't favour painful stuff. Plus, I'm just lazy to maintain because once you pluck, you can never go back! Mascara does wonders for short eyelashes like I have. Furthermore, this Iconic Mascara is very wonderful because it does not smudge and it curls up my eyelashes without having to use the curler first. It is very scary to see something like a clipper very near to our eyes. I don't want to risk my chance yet. Finally, the lipstick. Make it red, brown, coral pink or prudish orange, it's your choice. If you go to the makeup counter, try it on your lips instead of your hand because the effects will be different.

However, if you are really not used to this makeup frenzy and/or very lazy to smear so many things on your face, you can start off by having the compact powder and the lipstick. Then slowly, get in the mood. You will love it, seriously.

You know if you feel it is too pricey to buy branded makeups, why not buy at least an item once a month. At least it lessen the burden and you get a good quality cosmetic!

Going out for a date is the most wonderful thing in the world. Even though I have been dating my guy for more than five years, it doesn't mean that I have to stop making myself look presentable anymore.

I love this picture so much. And the food was not bad too.

Makeup yang ni dramatic sikitlah sebab ada event kan.

Yg ni pun Dior makeupkan. But I prefer the one during the wedding.

So girls, marilah bermakeup. Best tau.

Kena Maki The Trilogy

2009-12-26T03:50:00.002+08:00

Ingatkan bila dah diam, dah tak kecoh.
Apparently it's not enough to shut the motherfucker up.

Well. The very next day after the dramatic incident, I saw an A4 paper nicely glued on the wall inside the elevator. (or lift as we tend to call it).

Let's check it out what it was all about.

It was a complaint letter to the management from the crazy bitch. Pardon my language.

See the letters in bold? this is what she typed, "Owner of **** not only parked illegally in other people's parking lot yet looked down on small cars just because she drives a luxury car. These were her words 'You drive only a small car, what is there to shout about?'. I wonder what is she doing in such a low class apartment such **** ***. Doesn't match her class!!!".

Firstly, I would like to thank her for projecting me as a high class girl who drives a luxury car. Wow. I didn't see that coming. I would take that as a compliment. Thank you very much Ms. Crazy Bitch.

However, I would like to sue her for misquoting me. She had to quote me the exact way as I screamed at her, isn't it? So can I sue her for that? I could actually buy a luxury car when I win the case.

I knew I had made a mistake. (It was my brother who parked the car wrongly but I took it as my fault too cos I live there). But did she have to go to this extend by pasting this nonsense letter in every elevator? (thank god we only have three if not she would have run out of ink, paper and glue/cellophane tape). You ingat ni duduk kat flat ke nak tampal2 kertas macam tu (No offense to those who live in a flat). I didn't mind that she is advertising my parents' car plate number to the public but at least, give us some credit to it. Or let me pose in front of the illegally parked car, snap my photo and paste it to the world to see. I would never decline the invitation. I would love the attention. Seriously.

But whatever. She only drives a small car (taken from the quote) while I drive a LUXURY car. Wow. I love the sound of the word 'luxury'. Very deep and mysterious. And sexy too. 'Lukshuree'. (Try pronounce it on your own. Sexy, isn't it?)

Kena Maki The Sequel

2009-12-25T15:13:00.001+08:00

It was one of the hellish day in my life.

Last Sunday was pretty packed with so many things to do.

1. My parents were here so I can't exactly leave the house whenever I wanted

2. I had a wedding rehearsal in the morning when the night before I slept very late doing the previous day chores. (Mind you, it wasn't me who was getting married. I was only there to be the MC.)

3. The rehearsal finished around 3p.m. so it wasn't like I had all the time in the world.

4. I got to wait for the hairdresser to curl up my hair. Except that my hair was freaking stubborn so instead of curling nicely like at the red carpet, it went back to straight. RM25 went down the drain just like that.

5. Oh yeah. Being a girl was not easy. I had to do my makeup at the Dior counter at Subang Parade. Well, you can purchase stuff from Dior for RM250 and they do your makeup for free. Okay what. At least I got a new compact powder and a lipstick. Rather than asking someone to makeup for you for RM50 but you don't get anything except colours on your eyes, cheeks and lips. Plus, the Dior lady was really good.

6. Then I had to redo my hair at the salon because my curl didn't work. So I just asked the hairstylist to blow it to lose the curl and at least, made me presentable.

7. And I had to be the MC for the wedding and be there around 7p.m.

I was so occupied that day. To add the stress, my boyfriend went MIA too. Partly it was my fault for making him disappear for the day but yeah. He could not pick any better day than Sunday. Couldn't blame him 100% tho'. So on top of everything, I had my finger on speed dial trying my hardest to call him. I was blessed that he had installed the caller ringtone so at least I am entertained while waiting for him to pick up. Yeah right.

Basically, do you have any idea how stressful I was that day?

I thought I had enough to handle. But fret not. Fate had a funny way to show his love to me!

So let's rewind at the list from number 1 to 7. The incident happened before number 5. Before I had makeups plastered on my face.

While I was walking to my car in order to go to Subang Parade, I noticed my the guard was trying to clamp my parents' car at the parking lot in front of my house. To make the matter worst, the owner of the parking was there too. So instead of pretending not to know whose car was that, I decided to go there and talked to them. I guess I was wrong when saying sorry could make it better. No. The Chinese lady was extremely furious because she thought it was my car and parked illegally at her spot. When I said 'sorry', she scolded me back by saying, 'Apa sorry! sorry!'. Well, I have never been scolded before by my parents and I didn't plan to get it from some stranger tho'. The crazy woman (well I was mad. So no need to call her Chinese lady anymore cos she didn't deserve it) insisted to clamp my car even when I could simply move the car away from her life. I knew it was our fault to park at her spot but hello. She didn't have to be so mean what. So after the deed was done, she got into her car and babbling angrily at me, at the guards, at the management, at the world and everything so I thought I had enough and I screamed back at her, 'You bawak Kancil je pun!'. Firstly, no offense to any Kancil owner out there. I didn't mean to say that but she was so rude, uncivil and ill-mannered! The moment I said that to her, she was already in the car and drove away to park at the basement parking. However, she could hear it very clear and replied back by screaming on the top of her lung saying, 'SO?????!!!!!'. Well it was hilarious actually cos she looked so furious.

Fuh. What a day. Drama with the parking mama. haha.

I could still handle all the pressures but not when it involved with my boyfriend. I wanted to express my deepest gratitude to Amy for helping me tracking (huiyoo. Mcm private investigator pulak.) my boyfriend down. If she didn't help me that day, I would never be able to be the MC at my cousin's wedding that night.

The End.

Kena Maki

2009-12-24T22:14:00.003+08:00

Seumur hidup ni, so far tak pernah pulak kena maki dengan strangers.
Well, I've got one recently.

Full story kena tunggu dulu.

Saja nak bikin suspen..

;o)

Cellphone Talk

2009-12-19T04:59:00.000+08:00

I used to drool over an Iphone 3GS.

Now? Not anymore.

Introducing the latest HTC model.

HD2

(Pardon the name. Maybe it is less catchy than Iphone but I am head over heels with this megaphone)

Why mega? Well, let's find it out.

First, the super mega screen. Seriously, even my boyfriend's Sony Cybershot 12.1mp camera's screen is smaller compared to the phone.

Then, the 5mp Camera is to die for.

Picture is taken from the HTC website.

I almost die. For real.

You know you can check your weather just by a glimpse at your HD2?

I guess you know now.

Plus, even the user of Iphone 3GS regrets that he doesn't see this coming. (The name should not be mentioned)

So basically my hand is insufficient to measure the correct length of this phone.

Eh.

My hand?

^_^

Thanks darling for making my dream comes true.

I simply luuuurrrrrrrrrrrvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the HD2.

I'm Sorry

2009-12-18T14:04:00.001+08:00

I am so sorry mom and dad.
You still need to work your ass off to find money for the family even though both of you already in the sixties.
God knows how long you have been doing it.
I wish I don't have to burden you anymore.
Perhaps I always take things for granted and I never realize how hard life is.
I don't know what should I do if both of you leave me. For real.
I don't think I can survive.
Cos life is cruel.
And only both of you could wrap me in your love cocoon.
I still need you to guide me, to love me, and to protect me.
I want to see both you on my wedding day.
And see your grandchildren.
And see me on my graduation day, accepting the scroll that I have been waiting for all my life.
And see me reading the news on TV.
And see me doing lots of good things.
I need both of you.
Please don't ever leave me.

Angel by Jack Johnson

2009-12-18T02:35:00.001+08:00

Whenever the sadness is killing me, I always listen to the lyrics of this song. He dedicated to me once. So it helps because whatever bad comments people are saying about me, I know that he will always treasure me in his heart. And that is all I could wish for.

I've got an angel
She doesn't wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
Umm umm umm uhhhhhhmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-aNJTY6JtM

Hell no one is perfect.

2009-12-18T02:26:00.000+08:00

I get it that no one is perfect.

Why don't you?

You may be pretty but you don't have lots of cash.

You may be charming but you have a crooked teeth.

You may be rich but you have no friends to share with.

You may be a widow but it's okay cos you are wealthy.

You may be a genius but no one likes you cos you like to show off.

You may have a fancy car but you are living in a debt because of it.

You may have lots of friends but none of them are willing to sacrifice their lives for you.

You may have a boyfriend but he is a nutcase.

You may live in a mansion but your family is broken apart.

You may have it or you don't.

Because life isn't perfect.

I get it.

Why don't you?

I don't need to hear another comment of me being overweight because regardless of whatever downgrading comments you have on me, I have something that you don't have. And vice versa. Cos that's how life works out.

Of course I feel insecure because people like to torment with with these nasty comments, comparing me to others who are slim and whatnot. What do you expect? To accept gracefully? Hell no. I have feelings for crying out loud. And I am very emotional right now. Especially since I wasn't able to see him. And my period is due soon.

Life is never perfect. It's only from the flaws that teach us to become a much better person.

So please. Stop the nasty comments.

Why do you have to keep on hurting me?

Dashing Hopes

2009-12-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to meet him tonight after six days of catching up via the phone.

But I was twenty minutes late.

And he was already asleep.

I felt extremely disappointed in myself. For not be able to come home early and meet him afterwards.

Damn.

It's different when you can blame other people for your disappointment but this time around, I only got myself to blame.

And it does not feel good.

*exasperation sigh*

There are five steps to cope with disappointment according to online websites.

First is to create alternate options. (Plan B and C)

++ Instead of becoming depressed about the situation, sit down and work on alternate options for your current situation.

>> So since I have not seen him for the last six days, instead of only spending two hours with him tonight, I could spend the day with him tomorrow! Well, that sounds very nice. If I can wait for six days, six hours is nothing to compare. Or maybe I can see him early in the morning and jog together then afterward we can grab breakfast at Agora! Wow. I feel better already!

Ok I'm done with step 1. Let's move on.

Draw inspiration from role models

++ There are many inspirational people around us who plough through difficult times and come out healthy and happy at the other end. Look around you. Is there anyone who you can use for inspiration?

>> Erm this one is not applicable to my kind of disappointment lah. Next!

Talk to friends and acknowledge your disappointment

++ Let it out. Let the people around you know how you feel. Be ready to talk about your disappointments, acknowledge and accept them, forgive, and move on. Holding on to negativity or resentment will only keep you down. Don't keep looking back at "what could have been". Look forward to "what can be" if you do something about it now.

>> Well this is a very nice advice. It just I don't have anyone to talk to at the moment since it's already 1.07 a.m. Plus, this is not something big to share about and burden off my friends' shoulders. That is why I turn to the blog writing and believe me, it releases the tension. Seriously, I feel even better now. Wow.

Find hope and optimism in your life

++ If this particular situation hasn't worked out, look forward to other things that can work out.

>> When I think about it, maybe there's a better reason why we were unable to hand out tonight. First, he just got back from work and he was very tired. Then, it was already 11 something when we were able to see each other. What else could we do during this hour? The movie already closed. He was exhausted. So it's better for him to rest for the night and we can see each other tomorrow. Then we can have a quality time together instead of cramping and hurrying everything in two hours. Isn't it?

Be patient with yourself

++ Some disappointments can hit exceptionally hard and you will need time to work through them and move forward. Be patient and compassionate with yourself during this phase.

>> Yes it was. But after I think about it in this five steps, I feel better than ever. Writing about it also help.

Last but not least, coping with disappointment is difficult but if you can work through it, you will find that other doorways will open. So I hope my luck will change tomorrow. =)

Pantun Keparat

2009-12-13T02:24:00.001+08:00

Sebulan tunggu nak jumpa

Sebulan jua menanggung rindu

Tetapi bila dah sampai masa

Mengapakah hatiku semakin pilu?

Tinggi jangan disangka helang

Rendah jangan diingat pipit

Kalau dulu jarang berenggang

Kini jalan susah nak tercuit.

Niat dihati hendak mengubat rindu

Lalu ku ajak ke Singapura

Tapi mengapa semakin haru biru

Adakah kerna sudah terlalu lama?

Kalau mungkin sudah sampai waktunya

Izinkan ku mengundur diri

Walau hati gundah gulana

Apakan daya orang tak sudi..

Troublesome Chores

2009-12-10T01:15:00.001+08:00

Top 10 The Most Hassle Things

to do Right Now

10. To find out what are the things I need to bring back to Shah Alam tomorrow
9. To discover where I put my luggage, makeup bag, toiletries bag, yadda yadda
8.To find my clean undergarment at the bangsal because it's raining season so everything is not properly dried out.
7. To lipat the baju in order to cram it all into my bag
6. To think of what are the other things I should bring back tomorrow
5. Trying hard to remember what else so that I won't forget
4. Oh! My new baju for my cousin's wedding. I am so dead if I do not bring it cos I am the MC! oh and the script!
3. Shamefaced trying to pack up my AE assignments which I successfully abandoned it from Day 1 in Johor.
2. Looking for my cat's stuff to bring back as well. She is so tak boleh harap.
1. To pack all the things I have mentioned above. Ayayayayayayaya. Where is bibik when you in need for one? Choyy!!

Part & Parcel of MGS

2009-12-09T02:03:00.001+08:00

"what?? didn't like you? what makes you think of us that way? you're the most sporting teacher we had so far.. yeah,, and great fashion sense! haha.. great to have you dear... how can we dislike you?
usually other trainee teachers, we won't hang out together.. nor get her a special gift. but you're different, you see. ha.. that shows you're special! great memories together, great to have known you.. You have done your very best, and I know that deep inside my heart!

Yeap. Japan was great! love it sooo much.. actually, now it's autumn.. so we get to see beautiful maple leaves... it's all golden brown.. and are falling. just so fascinating.. Politeness? it takes a long time to change our malaysians..=) maybe few generations. haha

Isn't it great to have break? you get to hang out more often with your friends/ boyfriend.. you get to spend time doing personal stuff.. and most importantly go shopping! you should enjoy it as much as possible. come to think of it.. i've left only 3 weeks of holidays. urgh.. school's gonna reopen.. and SPM is around the corner! kay, i shall just stop thinking about that! lol..
you're coming over to Shah Alam tomorrow, and you're not sleeping yet? it's almost 2am! so many couples are getting married recently.. cool! do enjoy yourself kay!

p/s: this comment is super long.. haha.. this shows how much i miss you.. endless topic! it'll go on and on!
I gotta go sleep soon.. do take care alright!
Good night Miss E!"

I extracted this comment from facebook. I didn't post it here to brag or show off but I am very touched and honored for every single words in this comment. Seriously. And I would like to keep this into my heart forever. Thanks Siew Li. You just made my night even brighter than the sky. (^__________________^)

Lega..

2009-12-08T17:47:00.000+08:00

Well, rest assured everyone. I am still in a relationship. Yeah I know I was being such a melodramatic drama queen for the past two days. I am terribly sorry. My mood was affected, my heart was ruined, and my eyes were swollen. Of course I couldn't think right.

We had been like these for the past five years and five months. Quarrels and fights like our lives depend on it and the next hour we were the sweetest couple on earth. Before this, the length of the fights usually shorter as compared to now. But now that we had enough of each other to last for another fifty years, we become lazy to console each other and say sorry. So yesterday was the lengthiest fight I have ever embraced. Almost two days. I know others face more difficulties than this but since it is my first time, I am a bit over the edge of this thing.

Give me any challenges, obstacles and problems any time. I can face it bravely. But don't torture me with relationship troubles. I will get lost in the sea of misery.

Alhamdulillah it gets better now. And I can't wait to go back to Shah Alam and see him. It's been month already! I'm afraid I forgot how he looks like! What if I stumble into him at the supermarket and I can't even recognize him anymore? It's been too long!!

Okay I shut up.

But really. It is possible, isn't it?

Okay I shut up again.

We are so going to camp in at the GSC One Utama this Friday. I'm going to book for a movie marathon! Three movies to devour! Love Happens, New Moon and 2012. I know its old news to you guys but whatever. I'm going to watch all these three movies and nothing can stop me. Except if they have sales at Ou. Maybe I can sneak out while watching 2012 because I'm not really a big fan of tragedies kinda movie and let him know that I'm going off to the toilet. Yes that would be perfect. Well, just kidding. ;p

I miss you bey. You are so far the greatest person I've ever loved. ~~(So far? ada lagi ke lepas ni? haha)~~

Ceh.

2009-12-07T21:29:00.000+08:00

Mystery of tomorrow? Ceh. More like the misery of tomorrow!
Call tu memang sebab nak dengar lagu je. Yela kan. Dah bayar RM3 sebulan, kena la kasi orang yang call dengar. Kalau tak rugi pulak. Isn't it.
Damn.

I should just cut my sim card into tiny little pieces. And move on.
But the memories are holding me back. And so do other stuff. Ni bukan bercinta time sekolah. Couple break couple break lagi dah. This involves with lots of commitment. Takleh nak omit sebarang je.

It's true what my mom had said before. Guys will only go for looks. So perempuan kenalah berpelajaran. Takdela dia senang2 nak campak kita. And even if he does, we can easily stand back on our own.

You are no better than me pun anyway.

Hidell - Going down in flames

2009-12-07T02:37:00.000+08:00

You make me sit alone
Waiting by the phone
Nervous but controlled
I'm talking to myself
I'm playing with myself
I gotta get away forever

Well it may be fun
I'll try not to run away and hide

I'm strutting back and forth
I'm pacing, what a bore
Still waiting for your call
I've got to get away
And let there feelings fade
My life is gonna change forever

Well it may be fun
I'll try not to run away and hide: Now

[Chorus]
I'm going down in flames
I'll never be the same
I'll try not to complain forever
Of all the things I've done
You're the only one
That always made me come forever

Living in the past
My time has gone to fast
I'm over you at last forever
I've got to get away
And let these feelings fade
My life is gonna change for better

Well it may be fun
I'll try not to run away and hide: Now

[Chorus]

Of all the things I've done
You're the only one
That always made me come forever, in leather
Forever

[Chorus]

Forever, forever
Of all the things I've done
You're the only one
That always made me come

Funny how this song reflects my feelings right now. With the titles and lyrics, it is perfect.

Unpredictable Tomorrow

2009-12-07T02:23:00.002+08:00

Yesterday you could hear me laughing my head off. Smiling so wide that my mouth hurt. Grinning with pleasure when I heard him sang 'Jika Kau Tiada' by Yusry and Erra over the phone.

But that was yesterday.

And you are really 'tiada' right now. I thought it was supposed to be me to do the missing action?

Everything is unpredictable. One second you are on the stairway to heaven, the next minute you are going down in flames.. Not you of course. But me.

Yesterday I was in bliss but right now I am in total abyss. There's only one person who can rescue me and that person is apparently MIA. If I could have one wish right now, I wish to be invisible and fly to Sec. 6 Shah Alam and knock on his head while he is sleeping soundly on the couch in front of the television. Oops. Too many wishes already. Okay how about I wish for him to come to Johor and embrace me in his arms? That is considered as one or two wishes? Now I'm confused. Well whatever. It's not like my wish can come true now anyway.

I hate feeling depressed. It's like I have no control on my feelings and I am defeated by my own spirit.

I found out this quote and I straight away fell in love with it.

'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.' - Robert Frost -

It goes on! Pappp sebijik kat muka. However, the sadness is holding me back. I can only be happy if he is here with me. Oh boy. I am so head over heels over this guy, aren't I? I'm sorry. I just love him so darn much. And miss him too.

'Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present'. by Joan Rivers. But why it doesn't feel like a gift at all? Maybe I should look forward for the mystery of tomorrow.. Yeah, right.

Whatever it is, it goes on, right? So I should just take a deep breath and exhale sexily. Now I feel better already.

Ceh. Who am I kidding? I am not okay. Maybe tomorrow. But definitely not now regardless of whatever bullshit I'm feeding you guys off.

But Robert Frost said it goes on. I should believe him. Like I trust him on The Road Not Taken. *exasperated sigh* (Can you imagine how loud I actually sigh when I typed that? It's enough to wake up the entire town!)

Keeping Up Zersian

2009-12-05T00:08:00.000+08:00

Pouting seems to be the 'in' thing at the moment. But it seems not for me. I look stupid if I pout. Perhaps what looks good on Angelina Jolie does not necessarily looks good on you too. So before you try out this feature, look yourself in this mirror. If you laugh at yourself trying to pout, just forget it. It is just not you.

I like this quote, 'Don't frown, you never know who is going to fall in love with your smile'.

Almost the same thing la. Pout, frown yadda yadda.

Furthermore, it takes a greater number of facial muscles to frown than it does to smile. Why hurt ourselves?

Day ??? -finale-

2009-12-03T22:26:00.001+08:00

The dandruff problem is getting better ONLY if I use Head & Shoulder shampoo. Yesterday I tried to switch back to my old one but the dandruff came back haunting me. So I should stick to Head & Shoulder at the moment.

My temporary insomnia is not getting worst but is not doing so well either. I am no longer facebooking, blogging and editing photos till 7 a.m. However, I still wake up at noon which is not productive at all.

So either I sleep around 7 a.m. and wake up around 2 p.m. but I clean up the mess in the kitchen, I sweep the floor, I do everything lah OR I sleep around 3 a.m. and wake up around 1 p.m but I ignore the kitchen.

But my mom is so against me sleeping late. She doesn't mind if I don't help around the house but she is worried of the complications, if there's any.

I already feel sleepy now. It's only 10.25 p.m. What is the matter with me, anyway?

I'm only a fallible human..

2009-12-03T03:59:00.001+08:00

"You came to love not by finding a perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen.

Picture taken from www.samkeen.com/

This quote is like a bulldozer which rammed through my head and crushed every single preconceived ideas on how my man should act based on all the romantic comedies I have fed myself for the past years. It only looks sweet in movies for crying out loud. There's a director who asks the actor to act that way and they get paid handsomely for that actions. Well, who would dare not to do it?

Okay, I know. My bad.

But I can't help it.

Wanting your boyfriend to be perfect like in the movies is getting you involve in a wild-goose chase. I am aware of this and now I am on the verge of becoming more realistic. If you stop chasing, you will realize that you are actually ruining the perfect boyfriend of yours. Trust me. Been there, done that.

Of course love is no smooth-sailing journey. There are moments when you shed more tears than sweats, there are times when you enjoy it as much as queuing to pay for your parking tickets and there are seconds when you are pinch close to strangle your other half or commit suicide.

All the horrendous memories are only holding us back to see what is outstanding in front of us. It's like sightseeing in a garden where you notice the enormous dark-coloured bee buzzing at the most extraordinary flower you have ever seen. Which one your eyes focus more?

Need I to say more?

I bet we are adults enough to understand.

Baru nak bertatih

2009-12-02T23:27:00.001+08:00

Life is not a fairytale but because of you,

I live in one.

Adobe Photoshop

2009-12-01T06:50:00.000+08:00

I have always been green, red, blue, purple and yellow with envy over people who know how to exploit the multiple functions of Adobe Photoshop. They usually have various of edited photos ranging from only editing the colours to creative borders to cropped photos to sharp-nosed to flawless skin while I only know how to click on the 'Auto-fixed' on all my photos. Pity me. Deeply in my heart, I hate those people who are expert in using the photoshop because they know something that I don't. But if you dig deeper, you can see that I'm only bluffing.

But. DO NOT FRET. As for today, I know now how to use the application. Thanks to my ex-classmates Dedz who gave me the link to download the free Adobe Photoshop even though I had to wait for two hours to finish it due to the snail connection, know how to produce (wow, I sound intelligent already) a better looking picture.

It wasn't a smooth-sailing journey at first. There were lots of buttons to click and I didn't even know where to start. I was tthhhhiiiiisssss close to give up and asked somebody to call 911 (if you don't get this, it's the song. I meant this as a joke. Please try to pretend you understand or else you will hurt my feelings. Thanks.)

I have lots to learn of course but I'm stopping for a brag. (This is another joke if you still don't get it)

Let's see my pre-degreepiece. (Yet another joke. Usually people call masterpiece, get it?) (Please, I'm on my knees now, begging for you to understand)

The former one is the not edited version. This was the first picture I've tried to edit. Seriously I had no idea what to look for, what to change, what to expect. I clicked, clicked, clicked, clicked and Ta-Daa!

FYI, the giant flower came from the Dragon Fruit's Tree. You know which one is the dragon fruit? Yeah the one that can blaze fire from the tip and yadda yadda. No, of course not. For those who don't know, this is how the dragon fruit should look like.

Taken from GTO.400.flicker.com

And below this, is the tree.

Taken from toothfaiiry.flicker.com

So roughly you should know how the tree, the flower and the fruit looks like.

Hylocereus Undatus is the scientific name for the dragon fruit. Not the flower of the dragon fruit. Another FYI, the flower only bloom for ONE night and the size of the blooming flower is extremely gigantic (please compare to other type of flowers not the T-Rex or The Hulk). If you happen to visit the dragon fruit farm, it is advisable to camp in for the night so you can see the stunning flower blooms for just one night.