when can i finally smile again?

i really need a break from this issue.. i am so tired already.. god, please help me.. i get it that you want to test me and everything.. but please tell me how am i supposed to face this.. i have these two choices that will kill me in the long run regardless of whichever choices i make.. but i need to know which one will make me happier later.. they say, the future is a mystery.. yeah i know.. but right now? mystery is so not my thing.. 

i wish i have amnesia.. so that i can totally block everything in my mind and won't remember anything in the past.. start everything new.. i am so sick and tired with memories that won't go away even though i have asked them to abandon me.. they are apparently as stubborn as myself.. 

i am yearning for my happiness.. 

i don't know what i should do now.. 

*exasperated sigh*

if only life is like in movies.. no matter how difficult it is in the beginning, it always turn out better in the end..